Which was likely why she was sitting here now, being given this opportunity. She cleared her throat, refusing to whisper for this.
“When I informed the Council of Lord Stephen’s betrayal, it went against everything I was trained for, as well as everything I believed a servant should be.” Her voice cracked, running out of breath. She made herself slow down. “Submission is a beautiful thing in a servant, a desired thing. Surrender is a gift, a treasure, and the Master who has received that receives the highest level of service a servant can give, which was all I ever truly wanted to do when I became an InhServ.”
She met Jacob’s eyes. The truth of it flamed in his blue eyes. It gave her the courage to continue.
“I do not regret my actions.” There, she’d said it. “I deserve no credit for my betrayal of my former Master. I did not act as a servant, but as a sister, grieving the loss of her brother.”
Niall shifted. In her peripheral vision, she saw Evan press his lips together, a tacit rejection of that statement. “However, what I say now is a conscious, deliberate decision, an honor to my current Master that I hope will not be held against him. Evan took my training to a level the InhServ program, as exceptional as it is, couldn’t, because what I discovered in his service cannot be produced by training.”
Dizziness overcame her then, making her lock onto those chair arms again before she pitched herself to the floor. No. Hold on. Hold on. I’m not done. Panic that Lyssa might think she was through and end the audience made it worse. Niall’s hand was on her shoulder, his thumb stroking her collarbone. The queen spoke.
“Alanna, I am well aware you would never waste this Council’s time. We will not rush your answer, so don’t distress yourself on that matter. Take a breath or two. Jacob, bring her some water.”
The compassion in Lady Lyssa’s voice was shocking enough to send her into a full blackout, but Alanna recovered enough to accept the water Jacob brought to her. He gave it to Niall, who knelt at her side, keeping his hand over hers to steady her grip as she took a few sips. Of course it went down the wrong way, producing those tearing coughs that jerked her forward in the chair. Evan’s strong hands held her shoulders as Niall pressed his large hand to her chest again. When she saw blood fleck his shirt, his hand, he looked up at Evan.
No, I have to finish. I have to.
A muscle flexed in the Scot’s jaw. “Aye, we know lass. Just calm down.”
As she struggled to obey, she noticed the reaction of the Council. Vampires all had that impassive stillness that could turn them into furniture, but she detected an inexplicable tension as they watched her struggle. As Niall used Evan’s handkerchief to blot the blood from her lips, Lord Uthe and Lady Lyssa exchanged a glance. She wasn’t sure how to interpret the mood.
Keldwyn stepped away from the wall and put his hand on Uthe’s shoulder. When he bent between the queen and her right-hand man, it was obvious the three were conferring on something that the other vampires could hear. At the opposite end of the table, Lord Stewart lifted a brow, pursing his lips as if he found the subject intriguing, unexpected.
When the private conversation concluded, Keldwyn briefly met Uthe’s gaze. His fingers whispered off the vampire’s shoulder rather than lifting away. A Fae and a vampire? Perhaps the impossible was possible.
The distraction, Lady Lyssa’s firm assurance and Niall’s touch all helped calm her. Evan had not touched her, but she understood he wouldn’t, that showing any sentiment toward her right now would not be appropriate. However, when Niall glanced up at him, telling him without words she was ready, he was the one who spoke. “She is ready to continue, my lady.”
At Lyssa’s nod, Alanna swallowed. This time she kept her gaze fixed on Lyssa’s folded hands, though in reality she turned her focus inward, speaking to that soft gray wall, the anteroom after her trip to Hell, the place that did not judge or expect, simply allowing her to be whatever she was.
“I believe most vampires want to engage the emotions of their servant fully. They wish to be adored, desired, needed, in a singular way not possible among vampires themselves. To be served out of love, not politics, obligation or duty, though our responsibilities can certainly entail that. In fact, I think many vampires demand that level of devotion from their servants.”
She saw a tug on Jacob’s mouth, a wry acknowledgment. But now she would take her courage in both hands, prove she’d learned the lesson her Master had taught her. She’d voice her own desires.
“I want to serve my Masters. My Master, I mean.” She flushed, hoping the faux pas would be taken as a result of her physical state. “Evan.” And Niall.
The Council remained silent for some minutes, but she had done what she could. She put her attention on her hands, folded in her lap. Keeping her back straight was a monumental effort, but she told her pounding head, dry mouth and wasted lungs that they needed to hold on a little longer. Just a little longer . . .
“I think it would be useful to have Alanna meet with the InhServ trainers when she is well enough to do so. I expect her ideas might intrigue them. As well as result in more valuable service from their ranks.”
As Alanna blinked, unsure she’d heard Lord Uthe correctly, Lady Lyssa made a noise of agreement. “She’s the most exceptional student in the program’s history, which was why she was given to the made vampire believed most likely to be the first deserving appointment to the Council. His appointment to the Council was correctly predicted”—an unmistakable edge entered her tone—“even though his deserving it was not.”
Lord Uthe gave her an even look. “While our Lady Lyssa has taken a not-unjustified jab at our poor judgment prior to her assumption of leadership, the assignment of Alanna as his servant was not a poor decision. Without her, we might have lost our assassin and possibly our power base in Europe. It is an exceptional situation. Which suggests our decision on her fate might require a similar exception.”
Alanna’s fingers were knotted together, her gaze locked on her white knuckles. She couldn’t dare to hope. Couldn’t breathe at all.
“Evan, it’s obvious you are the Master she prefers to serve.” Lyssa was addressing her Master. “Do you have anything to add to the case to claim her?”
Evan stepped forward. As he did, he extended his arm, tapped a long finger on her clasped hands. A gentle reproof that made her spread her fingers on her lap. Niall was standing directly behind her now, such that she could feel his breath on her bare head.
“Alanna would be of great value to any vampire Master. There is no politic reason for you to assign her to me.” Evan swept them all in his glance. “My desire to have her as my servant has no political agenda to it, either. Yet she is a muse in human form, inspiring my work, for what value that may provide to you. She loves me, and she loves Niall. There are matters to discuss that bear weight on that.” He glanced at Niall, then back at the Council. “I can tell the Council this. If she is granted to me, I will care for her as the treasure she is.”
Lyssa nodded. “Thank you, Evan. Alanna may return to the infirmary, and your servant with her. Please remain, so we may discuss this further with you.”
Evan nodded to Niall, who put his hand under her arm to help her from the chair. Alanna shifted forward, but instead of rising, she began to sink to her knees. Her desperate pressure on Niall’s hand told him she intended it, and the Scot anticipated her enough to ease her down, rather than letting her drop like a bundle of sticks.
Once down on her knees she bent, ignoring the trembling weakness of her body, the pain rocketing through her head, but she couldn’t overcome the wheezing of her lungs. Though she wanted to make it to his feet, she had to settle for pressing her lips to Evan’s leg, just below his knee. The wool and silk of the slacks, his scent intertwined with it, was so overwhelming to her she had the resist the desire to rub against him like a cat.
“Whatever happens,” she whispered, “thank you for being my Master.”
I’ve always served vampires I called my lord or my lady. They were powerful, yes. But they . . . I am going to be inappropriate, Master, but please forgive me. They never taught me what love is. You and Niall did, both by your example and by your lessons. If I die tomorrow, these few days will be the ones I will cherish . . . and miss, the most. Thank you for showing me what being a servant really means.
She felt the scrutiny of the Council, but the only regard that meant anything to her now was Evan’s. As she managed to lift her head, she saw his jaw was tight, the gray eyes full of emotion he was struggling to push back. But it didn’t matter now, for either of them, did it?
Despite her noise of protest, he lifted her in his arms, putting her into Niall’s. For one blissful moment, perhaps the last, both men were holding her, the three of them linked. Evan brushed his lips across both of her cheeks, made sure Niall had her securely before he removed his grip.
“Take her back to her bed,” he said. “I’ll join you both directly.”
Evan paused in the doorway to the infirmary. Niall sat in a chair by the window. Alanna was curled in his lap, looking out at the white moonflowers cultivated in the gardens. With a painful tightness in his chest that had become a constant companion, he saw Niall had dozed off, his head resting against the back of the chair, temple pressed inside one of the wings. Alanna slid her fingers along his chest, idle patterns as she stared out into the night, her thoughts entirely her own for the first time in over a decade.
He’d been simply overcome by her in Council chambers. She might be humbled to know that, but what would stun her was that she’d wrested a similar reaction from the Council.
Brilliant girl that she was, she’d honored her training and taken it to a new level, marrying desire to service. Weak as a baby, showing just how close to the Grim Reaper’s blade she stood, she’d conducted herself with calm dignity and an unconditional sincerity that proved why she should be servant of the highest and most deserving of the vampire ranks. Lord Belizar himself had said those words. Evan was fiercely proud of her.