My eyes closed wearily as he ran his fingers through the loosened tresses of my hair.
I didn't have the energy to get riled up about that."Take your clothes off, angel.
I'll start the bath."
He backed up.
I opened my eyes and caught him by the shirt.
I didn't know what to say; I just didn't want him to go.
He understood, because he got me.
"I'm not going anywhere, Eva."
Gideon cupped my jaw in his hands and stared into my eyes, showing me the intensity and laser focus that had snared me from the first.
"If you wanted him, it wouldn't be enough for me to let you go.
I want you too much.
I want you with me, in my life, in my bed.
If I can have that, nothing else matters.
I'm not too proud to take what I can get."
I swayed into him, drawn to his obsessive and insatiable raw need for me, which reflected the depth of my need for him.
My hand fisted in the cotton of his T-shirt.
"Angel," he breathed, lowering his head to press his cheek to mine.
"You can't let me go, either."
He swept me up in his arms and carried me into the bathroom with him.
Chapter 11
I reclined with my eyes closed, my back cradled against Gideon's chest, listening to the sound of lapping water as his hands glided lazily over me in the claw-foot tub.
He'd washed my hair and then my body, pampering me, spoiling me.
I knew he was making up for last night and the method he'd used to get me to face the truth - a truth he'd clearly known but needed me to see as well.
How did he know me so well .
better than I knew myself? "Tell me about him," he murmured, his arms wrapping around my waist.
I took a deep breath.
I'd been waiting for him to ask about Brett.
I knew Gideon well, too.
"First, tell me if he's okay."
There was a pause before he answered.
"There's no permanent damage.
Would you care if there was?" "Of course I'd care."
I heard his teeth grind.
"I want to know about you two," he demanded tightly.
"No."
"Eva ."
"Don't take that tone with me, Gideon.
I'm tired of being an open book for you while you hoard all your secrets."
My head rolled to the side so that my cheek was pressed against his damp chest.
"If all I get of you is your body, I'll take it.
But I can't give you more in return."
"You mean you won't.
Let's be - " "I can't."
I pulled away from him, twisting so that I faced him.
"Look what it's doing to me! I hurt you last night.
On purpose.
Without even realizing it, because the resentment is eating at me even while I'm convincing myself that I can live with everything you're not telling me."
Sitting up, he spread his arms.
"I'm wide open for you, Eva! You're making it sound like you don't know me .
that all we have is sex .
when you know me better than anyone else."
"Let's talk about what I don't know.
Why do you own so much of Vidal Records? Why do you hate your family home? Why are you estranged from your parents? What's between you and Dr.
Terrence Lucas? Where'd you go the other night when I had that nightmare? What's behind your nightmares? Why - " "Enough!" he snapped, shoving his hands through his wet hair.
I settled back, watching and waiting as he clearly struggled with himself.
"You should know you can tell me anything," I said softly.
"Can I?" He pierced me with his gaze.
"Don't you have enough to look past as it is? How much shit can I pile on you before you run like hell?" Laying my arms along the rim of the tub, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.
"Okay, then.
We'll just be fuck buddies who bitch to a therapist once a week.
Good to know."
"I screwed her," he spat.
"There.
Do you feel better?" I shot up so fast, water surged over the edge of the tub.
My stomach cramped.
"You screwed Corinne?" "No, damn it."
His face was flushed.
"Lucas's wife."
"Oh ."
I remembered the photo I'd found of her through my Google search.
"She's a redhead," I said lamely.
"My attraction to Anne was based entirely on her relationship to Lucas."
I frowned, confused.
"So things were off between you and Dr.
Lucas before you slept with his wife? Or because of it?" Gideon set his elbow on the side of the tub and scrubbed at his face.
"He alienated me from my family.
I returned the favor."
"You broke them up?" "I broke her."
He exhaled harshly.
"She came on to me at a fund-raiser.
I brushed her off until I learned who she was.
I knew it'd kill Lucas to know I'd banged her, and the opening was there so I took it.
It was just supposed to be that once, but Anne contacted me the next day.
Because it would hurt him more to know she couldn't get enough, I let it go on.
When she was ready to leave him for me, I sent her back to her husband."
I stared at him, noting his defiant embarrassment.
He would do it again, but he was ashamed of what he'd done.
"Say something!" he snapped.
"Did she think you loved her?" "No.
Fuck.
I'm an asshole for nailing another man's wife, but I didn't promise her anything.
I was screwing Lucas through her - I didn't expect for her to become collateral damage.
I wouldn't have let it get that far, if I had."
"Gideon."
I sighed and shook my head.
"What?" He was practically bristling with restless, anxious energy.
"Why did you say my name like that?" "Because you're ridiculously dense for such a smart guy.
You were sleeping with her regularly and didn't expect her to fall in love with you?" "Jesus."
His head fell back with a groan.
"Not this again."
Then he straightened abruptly.
"Actually, you know what? You keep on thinking I'm God's gift to women, angel.
It's better for me if you believe I'm the best you can get."
I splashed him.
The ease with which he dismissed his appeal was another way he mirrored me.
We knew our strengths and played up our assets.
But we couldn't see what made us unique enough for someone to really love us.
Gideon lunged forward and caught my hands.
"Now, tell me what the fuck you had with Brett Kline."
"You didn't tell me what Dr.
Lucas did to piss you off."
"Yes, I did."
"Not the details," I argued.
"It's your turn to spill.
Out with it."
It took me a long time to get the words out.
No guy wanted a recovering slut for his girlfriend.
But Gideon waited patiently.
Obstinately.
I knew he wasn't going to let me get out of the tub until I told him about Brett.
"I was nothing but a convenient fuck for Brett," I confessed in a rush, wanting to get it over with, "and I put up with it - went out of my way for it - because in that period of my life, sex was the only way I knew how to feel loved."
"He wrote a love song about you, Eva."
I looked away.
"The truth wouldn't make much of a ballad, would it?" "Did you love him?" "I - No."
I looked at Gideon when he exhaled audibly, as if he'd been holding his breath.
"I had a crush on him and the way he sings, but it was totally superficial.
I never got to really know him."
His entire body visibly relaxed.
"He was part of a .
phase? That's it?" I nodded and tried to pull my hands free of his, wishing I could get past my feelings of shame.
I didn't blame Brett or any of the guys who'd drifted through my life then.
I had no one to blame but myself.
"Come here."
Gideon caught me by the waist and pulled me closer, tucking me against his chest again.
His embrace was the most wonderful feeling in the world.
His hands stroked the length of my spine, gentling me.
"I won't lie.
I want to beat the hell out of any man who's had you - you'd be smart to keep them the hell away from me - but nothing in your past can change how I feel about you.
And God knows I'm no saint."
"I wish I could make it go away," I whispered.
"I don't like remembering the girl I was then."
He rested his chin atop the crown of my head.
"I get it.
It didn't matter how long I showered after I'd been with Anne, it was never long enough to feel clean."
I tightened my arms around his waist, giving comfort and acceptance.
And gratefully accepting both in return.
The white silk robe I found hanging in the closet was gorgeous.
It was lined with the softest terrycloth and embroidered with silver thread at the cuffs.
I loved it, which was a good thing since it was, apparently, the only article of clothing for me in the entire house.
I watched Gideon pull on a pair of black silk pajama pants and tie the drawstring.
"Why do you get clothes and I get a robe?" He glanced up at me through a lock of inky hair that draped over his brow.
"Because I'm the one who arranged everything?" "Fiend."
"Just makes it easier for me to keep up with your insatiable sexual demands."
"My insatiable demands?" I headed into the bathroom to take the towel off my head.
"I clearly remember begging to be left alone last night.