It did not take me long to realize that there was only one person Vampire Max could have bitten--Aunt Tabby. Brenda and Barry were always safely locked in their bedroom by ten o'clock, but Aunt Tabby had been watch- ing vampire movies in the furry bathroom when we started the Combined Werewolf and Vampire Trapping Expedition. And she had the door open.
"Uncle Drac, Uncle Drac!" I said. "We've got to find Aunt Tabby before it is too late. " "Shh, " said Uncle Drac, who was still kneeling beside Vampire Max. He looked up and said, "I don't think finding Tabby would be a very good idea, Minty, " he said. "Now you must both be quiet and we will take Max back to bed. It's dangerous to wake people up when they are sleepwalking. " "Sleepwalking?" I gasped. "He's not sleep- walking. He's vampiring. " "Shh!" said Uncle Drac again, rather sharply. I was shocked. Uncle Drac even looked annoyed and he never looks annoyed. But Aunt Tabby was in danger and I had to get him to understand, so I said, "Max is a real vampire, Uncle Drac. He bites people. Look at his teeth. Look at the blood. He has bitten Aunt Tabby. "
"Shh, Minty, " whispered Uncle Drac. "You mustn't believe all those old stories. No one bites people anymore. Not even my mother, ha ha. " "But he's got really sharp biting teeth, Uncle Drac. Like little needles. " "And so did I at his age, Minty. That's how they come through. They'll soon get blunt. Now we must get Max back to bed without waking him. " Usually I believe what Uncle Drac tells me, but not this time. He was just making excuses. What about the blood dripping from Max's mouth--how did he explain that? Uncle Drac picked up Max and carried him along the basement corridor like he was a sleeping baby rather than a horrible little vampire brat.
Wanda and I trailed after him, up the basement stairs, and as we trooped past the clock in the hall I saw Uncle Drac glance at it with a worried look. It was nearly one o'clock. He speeded up and Wanda and I had to run to keep up with him. As we got close to the furry bathroom I could see the flickering light of the movie streaking across the passageway out of the half-open door. But Uncle Drac did not care about Aunt Tabby one bit. He stormed right past the furry bathroom and did not even look inside--in fact I am sure he speeded up. "Come on, Wanda, " I said, pulling her toward the half-open door. "We have to go and rescue Aunt Tabby. " Wanda did not seem keen. "Do we have to?" she whispered.
"Yes, " I told her. "Now come on--quick!" But Wanda would not budge. She hung on Q tight to the doorknob. Finally, I managed to pull her into the room. It was weird in there. The vampire movie was still playing, but because of the head- phones there was no sound, just the whirr of the projector. The movie was getting to the really exciting part. The vampire, who looked very elegant and handsome, was creeping along the roof of a snow-covered castle in the middle of a forest. You could tell he was head- ing for the window that the heroine was des- perately trying to latch closed. You just knew that she would not be able to. In fact you wondered why she bothered to try in the first place, but heroines always do. I could see the back of Aunt Tabby's head and the weird shape of the headphones over her ears.
The half-finished box of mint candy was on the floor beside her feet and it looked like nothing had happened at all. But that is how it is with vampires. They act so fast that you do not see them coming. And of course Vampire Max was really small--so Aunt Tabby wouldn't have seen him coming any- way, even if he hadn't been a vampire. Suddenly I felt just like Wanda--I didn't want to rescue Aunt Tabby either. I was really scared by what I might find. But someone had to rescue her, and since there was no one else to do it, it would have to be me. I took a deep breath; then I marched over to the sofa and made myself look at Aunt Tabby. She was staring ahead at the movie screen with vacant eyes-- like people always do when they have been bitten--so although I couldn't see any blood, I knew that Vampire Max had done his worst. "Aunt Tabby!" I yelled, shaking her really Q hard. "Oh, Aunt Tabby,wake up, wake up!" Aunt Tabby jumped like she had had an elec- tric shock. She leaped to her feet, threw off her headphones, and screamed, "Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!" My ears went funny. Aunt Tabby stared down at me as though she was trying to figure out what was happening, and then she yelled really, really fast so that all the words sounded stuck together: "OhmygoodnessAramintawhatare- youdoing? You nearly gave me a heart attack! Why aren't you in bed?" It was then the clock downstairs struck thirteen and Aunt Tabby looked at her watch. "It's one o'clock in the morning, " she gasped. "What are you doing up so late? And where is Drac?"
Aunt Tabby obviously did not realize what a lucky escape she had had. Uncle Drac came rushing in. "Tabby, " he said, really worried--at last. "Tabby, what's the matter? Are you all right?" "Only just, Drac, " said Aunt Tabby, her voice sounding a bit trembly. "Araminta crept up on me and gave me the fright of my life. I really don't know what has gotten into her. " She sat down on the old sofa and began fanning herself with the top of the box of mint candy. "Oh, Minty, " sighed Uncle Drac, "what are we going to do with you?" He smiled a tired- looking smile, gave me a big hug, and said to Aunt Tabby. "Minty has got it into her head that young Max is a vampire. " "What?" gasped Aunt Tabby.
"He's been eating those cherry candies again. " "But I promised your mother I wouldn't let him near red candy, " groaned Aunt Tabby. "Well, he obviously has a secret stash somewhere, " said Uncle Drac. Aunt Tabby gave a sigh. "So I suppose he's been sleepwalking?" she asked. Uncle Drac nodded. "Don't worry, Tabby. He's fine. He didn't wake. And now he's fast asleep in the Tuesday bedroom. Couldn't face that rope ladder contraption. " Huh, I thought. So Vampire Max has got the Tuesday bedroom now as well. Before long we'll be spending the whole week in the Friday bedroom--if he doesn't get that as well. The reel of film suddenly came to an end and started whizzing around the projector.
Uncle Drac leaped up to rescue it. Aunt Tabby fixed Wanda and me with a classic Aunt Tabby look and said, "Bed!" We scooted off to the attic. We tiptoed by the Tuesday bedroom and by the door was a scrunched-up paper bag. I picked it up because Aunt Tabby says, "If you see litter don't just leave it lying there, Araminta. Pick it up and put it in the garbage. " I picked it up, but I did not put it in the garbage. Certainly not. There was something in the bag and I knew what it was. "Look, Wanda, here're Max's cherry can- dies. Do you want one?" I knew she would take one because Wanda never says no to candy. She rooted around in the bag like she always does to find the biggest one and put it in her mouth.
"Arn chew havin un?" Wanda said with her mouth full. I shook my head. No way was I going to touch a bag of candy that Vampire Max had had his sticky paws in all day. Anyway, this was an experiment, and a true scientist does not take part in her experiments. She observes the results. And that is what I did. The results were amazing. Dribbles of red cherry juice ran down Wanda's chin as she chewed. And the more she chewed, the more the juice ran down. It was amazing. It looked just like blood. Wanda Wizzard was a vampire!
The next morning Aunt Tabby told us that Max was going home on Saturday and we had to be nice to him until then, and if we heard him sleepwalking again we must come and tell her right away.
I figured we could manage that, seeing as he was going soon. Once we let Max join in with things, he stopped being so creepy with Aunt Tabby and Brenda. Later that morning we met Sir Horace taking Fang for a walk around Spookie House. Sir Horace--who does not usually walk much at all--wanted a rest, so he let us take Fang instead. It was great. Having a ghost wolf to take for a walk is the best thing ever. We showed Fang--and Max--all over Spookie House and they saw all the really interesting places. The only place Fang would not go was Creepy Corner, past the bat poo hatch. The hair went up on his back and he growled a real horrible growl. Suddenly there was a loud screech. Two green werewolf eyes appeared out of no- where--and the next thing we knew a great big Pusskins-sized ball of fluff landed right in the middle of Fang.
Fang howled and Pusskins spat and stuck out her claws. "Pusskins!" yelled Wanda. She tried to pick her up, but Pusskins ran off into Creepy Corner. That was where we found the kittens. Three tiny black kittens curled up on top of Uncle Drac's pile of bat poo sacks. Wanda thought they were even cuter than Fang, but I preferred Fang myself. Brenda was thrilled. When Wanda told her, she did a Pusskins-style screech all her own. Brenda brought Pusskins and her kittens into the boiler room where it was warm, but Pusskins took her kittens straight back to Creepy Corner.
Then Brenda brought them back to the boiler room again and Pusskins Q took them back. Pusskins won in the end and Brenda ended up sitting in Creepy Corner too. I was still not happy going to Creepy Corner. I had figured out that the green were- wolf eyes were Pusskins' and they were up high because she was sitting on top of the pile of sacks. But I hadn't figured out the foot- prints--those were far too big for Pusskins. Did that mean there was a werewolf still lurk- ing in Spookie House? Just in case there was, I still wore my back- pack with the Combined Werewolf and Vampire Trapping Kit--even though we didn't need the vampire part anymore. On Saturday Wanda and I helped Max pack his coffin. We all carried it downstairs and waited for the hearse to arrive.
Then Max said he wanted to say good-bye to the kittens. When we got there Barry was shoveling bat poo and Brenda was feeding Pusskins some milk and fish. Pusskins looked a lot thinner now that she had had her kittens, but I could see that would not last long if Brenda kept bringing her food all the time. Max said good-bye to the kittens. He looked quite sad, I thought. Then he said good-bye to Brenda without being creepy at all. He just said, "Good-bye, Brenda, " and kept petting his favorite kitten, a little black one with two white spots on either side of its mouth, just like vampire teeth. Brenda said, "Good-bye, Max. Thank you for helping with the boiler. Perhaps you would like a kitten when they are big enough to leave Pusskins?" Max smiled a huge, vampire smile and his pointy teeth flashed. But I didn't worry now, as I knew Uncle Drac was telling the truth; that when Max was older they would not be pointy anymore, but friendly, just like Uncle Drac's teeth. "Yes, please, " said Max. "I'd like this one. " "Then the little vampire cat is yours, " said Brenda. Max was so excited he ran straight through the bat poo and scooted along the corridor. It was then I noticed the werewolf footprints-- they were coming from Max's shoes! I Q nudged Wanda. "Look, " I said, "it's Max mak- ing those werewolf footprints. " "I know, " said Wanda. "You know? How?" "I thought you were the detective, " said Miss Smug Pants. "I can't be a detective and a vampire and werewolf hunter all at the same time, " I told her. "Sometimes you have to delegate. " "You have to what?" asked Wanda. "Delegate. Get someone else to do it. Like how I have you to find out about the werewolf prints--see?" "Oh. Well, I noticed when he was kneeling down doing his packing. He's got a big wolf paw print thingy on the bottom of each shoe, so that when he runs he makes wolf prints instead of footprints.
Isn't that fun? I'd like some fairy footprint shoes. " "Fairies don't make footprints, " I told her. "They fly. " Before Wanda had a chance to answer there was a loud knock on the door and we raced to get it. I got there first, even before Aunt Tabby. Standing on the doorstep was the almost grown-up girl. On her own! "Hello, Mathilda, " I said in my best grown- up voice. "Would you like to come in?" "Yes, please, Araminta, " she said. I was amazed. She remembered my name! Then she said, like I was almost grown up too, "I do hope Max has not been too much trouble. " So I smiled and said, "Not at all.
We're sorry to see him go. " Which we were. And then I said, "I'll go and ask Barry to help Perkins with the trunk. Would you like a cup of tea before you go?" And Mathilda smiled and said, "That would be wonderful, Araminta. Thank you. " So I took her downstairs to the third- kitchen-on-the-right-just-around-the-corner- past-the-boiler-room and I made the tea. Aunt Tabby didn't say anything. She looked like she had just swallowed a tennis ball and was trying to figure out what to do next. In fact she didn't say anything at all until we had waved good-bye to Max and Mathilda and the hearse had disappeared around the last bend. Then she said, "Well, Araminta, I must say you have picked up some wonderful manners from little Maximilian. "
I didn't say anything because Aunt Tabby would not understand. "Come on, Wanda, " I said, "let's go and see if Max has left any candy behind. " And we sat in our Saturday bedroom and ate three banana chews, five rhubarb custards, ten pink sticky shrimps, four toffees, one piece of fudge, two strawberry chews, and a whole bar of fruit and nut chocolate. When I grow up I want to be just like Mathilda. But not yet.
THE END