VOTES FOR WOMEN NOW!!
‘And this is Flora's,’ she said, holding up another sign. It read, in elegant cursive script:
Please consider granting votes to women at the earliest opportunity. Thank you.
My lips twitched.
‘I think I would have been able to tell which of you made which. Patsy…’
I swallowed. Now was the time. There was no way around it. ‘Patsy, there’s something I have to tell you all.’
‘Yes, what is it?’
‘I… I have to…’ I stopped, not knowing what to say.
The smile slowly disappeared from her face.
‘What’s wrong? Has something happened to Ella? Has that fellow Wilkins…’
‘No, no,’ I hastened to assure her. ‘It’s nothing like that. Ella is fine.’
‘What’s the matter, then? You look strange.’
I swallowed again. Why did my throat have to be so darn dry? It wasn’t like I was planning to commit a murder.
Only, it was nearly as bad. They had all looked so happy a moment ago. Now they looked at me with anxious faces. My friends - the best friends in the world. The people I was going to have to disappoint.
‘Well… not to beat around the bush… to come straight to the point… I can’t come tomorrow.’
‘I don't understand,’ Eve said, a puzzled frown on her face.
‘To the demonstration. I can’t come to the demonstration in Hyde Park tomorrow.’
‘What?’
Patsy had a sergeant major’s voice, and when she used it to full effect the result was deafening. Wincing, I took an involuntary step back.
‘Look, it wasn’t my choice. I didn’t mean to…’
‘You can’t mean that, Lilly! You can’t possibly mean that!’
She advanced on me, hands on hips, a thunderous expression on her normally so cheerful face. With relief I noted that her parasol was leaning against the bench a few yards away.
‘After all the preparation we did, all the planning we put into this? Now you want to draw in your tail and run?’
‘It’s not like that, Patsy, really. I never…’
‘And it was you who came up with the idea in the first place! I thought you were a rebel! I thought you despised oppression just as much as we do!’
‘Well,’ Flora dared to venture, ‘I don't exactly despise op-’
Patsy shot her a steely look. ‘Shut up! You’ll despise oppression if I say you despise oppression, understand?’
‘Yes, Patsy. Of course, Patsy.’
‘Look,’ I tried to reason with her. ‘It’s not like the demonstration won’t happen. I mean, you will all be there, right? Goal achieved.’
‘But you won’t.’ Eve’s voice was much more quiet than usual. She was looking at me, her eyes large, and if I wasn’t mistaken I could see a bit of moisture shimmering in them. ‘It'll feel like a defeat if you aren’t there!’
The words touched me - they more than touched me. They cut me to my very core, sharply and mercilessly.
‘I’m sorry,’ was the only thing I could think to say. ‘I’m really sorry.’
Seeing that I meant it, the moisture in Eve’s eyes spilled over. ‘You can’t do this!’
Patsy stomped over to the bench. At first I thought she was going for her parasol and retreated a few steps, but she picked up a piece of cardboard which had been leaning next to the parasol.
‘Here!’ She held out the cardboard to me. ‘That’s the sign we made for you!’
My throat felt suddenly dry. The sign read in letters even bolder than hers:
VOTES FOR WOMEN, FELLOWS… OR ELSE!
I could hardly hold back my tears. How could I desert them at a time like this? But I couldn’t do anything else.
‘I’m terribly sorry,’ I repeated, feeling tears sting my eyes. One of them rolled down my cheeks and fell on the sign and smeared the paint. ‘But I can’t. I simply can’t be there.’
‘Why? Is something the matter with Ella?’
‘No, not with Ella.’
‘Then what is it?’ Patsy demanded. ‘What is so terribly important that you would abandon us?’
‘I… I can’t tell you.’
It took me about two seconds to see that that had been the wrong answer.
Patsy’s eyes flashed. ‘Oh, of course. Of course you can’t tell us! Because we’re only your best friends in the world. Why would we deserve your honesty or your confidence?’
‘Patsy… It’s not like that. I…’
But it was no good. Patsy turned away from me, towards the others.
‘Come, girls,’ she said to them, her voice hard. ‘Let’s go somewhere else, where there’s no unpleasant company around.’
I cried myself to sleep that night. I, who never, ever cried.
Stupid, I told myself. This is not the first time people have been angry with you or argued with you. Why start crying now when you never have before?
I suppose it was that whatever trouble I had faced in the past, I always knew that I could count on my friends. Now I wasn’t so sure. Maybe my friends weren’t my friends anymore. Remembering the expression on Patsy’s face as she turned away from me made my heart ache.
Sometime during the night, exhaustion must have overpowered me and pulled me into sleep, for I woke up the next morning, curled into a tight protective ball against the evils of the world. I had to force myself to get dressed and leave for work. If not for the fact that today was Mr Ambrose’s special appointment, I doubt I would have gotten up at all.
Get a move on, I ordered my lazy limbs. If you don't go to work and show up at that appointment, the fight with Patsy will have been for nothing!
Somehow, I managed to drag myself to work. Through some merciful miracle, Mr Ambrose had retained his bright smile and easy manner of the previous day. He didn’t put me through much work and didn’t seem to notice my bad mood.
As the day progressed, thoughts of Patsy slowly retreated to the back of my mind and I began to feel hopeful. It really seemed that Mr Ambrose had turned over a new leaf. He was warm and friendly towards me in a manner I wouldn’t have thought possible two days ago. I considered bringing up the matter of the search for the missing file again - I really wanted to help! But in the end I decided to wait until after his special appointment. If it went well, maybe he would be in a good mood and listen to my arguments.