“I know you have the right of it,” Keeley said. “I’m just afraid.”
Maddie stroked her hand over Keeley’s hair. “There, there, lass. I don’t blame you for being afraid, but you have all the McCabes behind you. If you truly love Alaric, make this as easy as possible for him. Don’t let him see how much you’re hurting. ’Twill only add to his burden.”
Keeley drew away and wiped the tears from her eyes. “You’re right of course. I’m acting like a spoiled child.”
Maddie smiled. “You’re acting like a woman in love who knows she’s going to lose. I’d say you’re acting normal.”
Keeley sent her a watery smile. “I’ll be brave tomorrow. I promise. For today, I just want to remain above stairs.”
“That seems fair enough to me. I’ll let Mairin know what you’re about. She’ll understand. She worries for you.”
“Summon me if she has need of me. I’ll come immediately.”
Maddie nodded and then rose from her perch on the bed.
Keeley flopped back to stare at the ceiling. Just this morn she’d lain with Alaric in this bed and told him she loved him. And he’d told her he loved her, too.
Tears leaked down the sides of her face. This wasn’t supposed to have been their last day. They were supposed to have known of the McDonalds’ arrival ahead of time, and they would have time to say good-bye. One last time together. One more night in each other’s arms.
She closed her eyes as the tears fell faster.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I’ll always love you.”
Mairin McCabe fidgeted on the hard bench for the hundredth time and worked valiantly to control the yawn that threatened to crack her jaw. Her husband listened politely as Gregor McDonald recounted his tales of valor, also for the hundredth time, but Mairin’s focus was on Alaric and Rionna.
The couple hadn’t spoken more than a few words the entire dinner. It concerned Mairin that Alaric was so inattentive, and yet Rionna seemed perfectly satisfied for her future husband to say nothing.
The few times Mairin tried to draw Rionna into conversation, she was met with stubborn silence. She knew the girl to be friendlier, at least when the women were alone. Rionna had visited once already and the women had gotten along quite well together.
Alaric just looked … unhappy. Oh, he was stoic enough, and no one else would be able to tell he was anything but the warrior he was. Mairin knew better. Alaric wasn’t as cold as Caelen and he didn’t tend to be as fierce as Ewan. He could always be counted on to fill the gap in conversation and he was a sociable enough person. Tonight he sat in stony silence, picking at his food as if he had no appetite.
Keeley was noticeably absent, though Mairin couldn’t blame her. It was enough to have to look upon the man she loved paying court to another woman, but the circumstances of Keeley’s departure from the McDonald clan were enough to keep her sequestered.
Mairin wanted nothing more than to march over and bash Laird McDonald’s head in with a serving platter. If she thought she could move fast enough to get past Ewan, she might well attempt it.
“You are about to fidget right off the bench,” Ewan said in a whisper. “What is amiss? Are you not feeling well?”
She glanced up at the concern—and exasperation—in her husband’s eyes. “I’m ready to retire. I can see myself up. You stay and continue your talks with Laird McDonald.”
Ewan frowned. “Nay, I’ll go up with you. It will give Alaric some time to talk with the laird—and Rionna, should he choose.”
Not waiting for her to respond, Ewan turned to Laird McDonald and smoothly interrupted the conversation. “If you will excuse us, my lady wife is ready to retire. She tires easily these days and I do not like her going up to our chamber without me.”
Mairin couldn’t control her look of distaste when Laird McDonald’s eyes gleamed lasciviously. “Aye, I understand. If I had a wife as bonnie as yours, she’d not be retiring without me either.”
Mairin shuddered. Poor Keeley. How awful it must have been for her when she was but a girl. The man was a lecher. And he ate too much. Gertie hadn’t forgiven the man the last time he’d visited McCabe keep. Their stores hadn’t been as plentiful as they were now, and the laird had eaten them near out of the keep.
“Come, sweeting,” Ewan murmured as he helped her from her seat.
’Twas the truth she was weary, but then she was weary most days. There were times when she thought she’d carry this child to infinity. The bairn was particularly active at night. She and Ewan would lie in bed and quietly feel the tiny kicks and bumps.
She paused halfway up the stairs, already out of breath. Ewan steadied her and waited until she was ready to resume.
“I vow I’m going to be pregnant forever,” she complained as Ewan ushered her into their chamber.
Ewan smiled and helped her from her clothing. “It won’t be long now. Think how exciting it will be to finally hold our son or daughter.”
Mairin sighed. “I know it.”
As soon as she had on her nightdress, she sank onto the edge of the bed. Across the room Ewan undressed and she could feel his gaze upon her as he returned to the bed.
He sat beside her. “What is it, Mairin? You look worried. Is it the babe that has you afraid?”
She smiled faintly and turned to look up at him. “Nay, I have complete faith in Keeley.”
“Then what is it that has you so unhappy?”
“ ’Tis Keeley. And Alaric,” she blurted.
Ewan blew out his breath and started to turn away, but Mairin caught his arm.
“They’re unhappy, Ewan. Can’t you do anything?”
Ewan grimaced and touched Mairin’s cheek in a soothing gesture. “ ’Tis nothing I can do, sweeting. Too much rides on this alliance. Alaric is a man full grown. He’s made his decision.”
She huffed in exasperation. “But would he have made such a decision if our clan didn’t have need of this alliance so much? He’s a good man. He’d do anything for you. For the clan.”
“He has a chance to be laird,” Ewan pointed out. “A chance he’ll never gain if he remains here. This is an opportunity as much as it is a necessity that we gain this alliance.”
“Do we really need the McDonalds so much?” she asked incredulously. It didn’t seem logical that they’d need the much weaker clan with the might the McCabes wielded.
“There is more to it than fighting force,” Ewan said gently. “ ’Tis a matter of politics. The king wants this match. This cannot pass your lips, but we both fear that McDonald could turn to Cameron’s side and that would be disastrous, for he is all that lies between McCabe lands and Neamh Álainn.”
Mairin’s nose wrinkled. “Then ’tis more a strategic move than a need for his strength?”
Ewan nodded. “Add to that, there are still some clans who fear Cameron’s might and have held off allying themselves with either side for fear of retaliation should Cameron and Malcolm prove victorious in the bid for the throne and control of the highlands. We need to appear an invincible force. ’Tis a never-ending cycle. To lure others to our cause we must have the alliances of many clans.”
Mairin sighed. “ ’Tis rotten business. I want Alaric and Keeley to be happy.”
Ewan pulled her into his arms. “There’s nothing to say that Alaric won’t eventually be happy with the match. Rionna is a beautiful lass. She’ll bear him strong sons and daughters.”
“But what of Keeley?” Mairin whispered.
“She’ll remain here with us, sheltered by the McCabe clan. There are plenty of men who’d count themselves fortunate to marry a lass such as Keeley.”
“You make it sound so simple. Would you think the same if you were forbidden to marry me?”
Ewan pulled away, a scowl on his face. “There is no force on earth or heaven that would keep me from your side.”
“Aye, and I love you for it. Maybe I think ’tis what Alaric should be willing to do for Keeley,” she said quietly.
CHAPTER 30
Keeley was up at dawn, staring moodily over the terrain. The snows had almost fully melted during an unexpected warming trend, most unusual for January. She hadn’t slept the night before and her eyes were dull and achy.
Maddie’s counsel had been invaluable. Keeley needed to hear the other woman’s wisdom. ’Twas no use in hiding in her chamber sulking. She was no longer the frightened young girl terrified to be on her own without the support of her clan.
She had the McCabes now. She had family. And friends. Good and loyal friends. Rionna and her father couldn’t hurt her.
If it killed her, she would smile through Alaric’s wedding. She’d send him off with all the love in her heart but with no weeping. No grief. Some things were private. As much as she’d love to shout her love for Alaric for all to hear, it was better kept to her heart where naught could be used against him.
Feeling marginally better after her all-night weep fest, she washed her face and straightened her hair. Then she took a deep breath and exited her chamber to go belowstairs. She really had no idea what she would do this day. For the past weeks, she and the other women of the keep gathered to keep Mairin company in the hall. With the McDonalds in residence, the women would likely seek a quieter spot for their visitation.
It was soon obvious to Keeley that most of the clan was still abed after a late night entertaining the McDonalds. The keep was blanketed in silence.
’Twould be a wonderful opportunity for a walk around the courtyard, at least since the laird forbade anyone from venturing farther.
She stopped into the kitchens to visit with Gertie and ask if there were any herbs she needed for her preparations. Gertie scowled and waved her away, mumbling something about being interrupted while she was trying to think.
With a grin, Keeley set off for the courtyard. A brisk chill met her as soon as she stepped outside, but she welcomed it on her skin. She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. The air just smelled cleaner and fresher in the winter. The bite of ice filled her lungs and when she exhaled, her breath came out in a cloud of steam.
Giggling like a child, she made a turn around the wall and ventured down the side of the keep. The loch was to her left and was so still, it resembled a looking glass. The sun bounced off the surface, reminding her of a shield held up in battle.
She was so ensconced in her view of the loch that she didn’t notice the person coming toward her until she heard her name.
“Keeley? Keeley McDonald, is that you?”
Keeley whirled around, her heart leaping to her throat. Rionna stood but a few feet away, her expression stunned.
“Aye, ’tis I,” Keeley returned in a low voice. She took a hesitant step back.
Pain creased Rionna’s face. Her golden eyes turned dull until the ever-present shimmer had faded to amber.
“I thought you dead. When they told me you were gone, I looked. I waited. But when you didn’t return, I thought you were dead.”
Keeley’s face crinkled in confusion. “Who did you speak with? I am fit as you can see.”
“The women and men I sent to your cottage to ensure your well-being. How did you arrive here? What is it you’re doing on McCabe land? It’s been months since you were last seen at your cottage.”
Keeley stared warily at the other woman, unsure of how to respond. “ ’Tis where I am welcome.”
A spasm of pain crossed Rionna’s face. A McDonald man appeared in the distance and shouted Rionna’s name.
“The laird is looking for you. He wants you present for the breaking of fast.”
Rionna’s hands curled into tight balls. She glanced back at Keeley and then to her father’s man. “I must go. I would see you later. I have much to say to you.”
Without further explanation, Rionna turned and hurried back toward the keep. Keeley watched her go, her stomach in knots. Her emotions were such a mass of uncertainty. Part of her wanted to throw her arms around Rionna and hug her senseless. Tell her how much she missed her childhood friend and tell her how beautiful she’d grown.
The other part wanted to demand an explanation. The hurt she thought she’d long buried bubbled to the surface. Maybe she would never be able to forget or forgive being forced from the only life and protection she knew.
She sighed and turned back to the loch. She walked to the edge and stared, mesmerized, into the crystal clear waters. She loved the water. It absorbed the moods and whims of nature and cast them onto the surface for all to see. ’Twas freeing, that. No pretending. No hiding. Just a reflection of what boiled right below the surface.
For how long she stood there, she wasn’t certain. She stared across the loch, lost in her thoughts and the constant aching in her heart.
“ ’Tis too cold a morn for a lass to be outdoors as long as you have,” Gannon said gently.