'Katie,' I say, turning to face her. 'Yesterday I had all my most personal, private secrets broadcast on TV.' I spread my arms widely. 'How could anything possibly be more embarrassing than that?'
'Here she is!' comes a ringing voice behind us, and Caroline bursts into the Ladies. 'Emma, your parents are here to see you!'
No. I do not believe this. I do not believe this.
My parents are standing by my desk. Dad's wearing a smart grey suit, and Mum's all dressed up in a white jacket and navy skirt, and they're kind of holding a bunch of flowers between them. And the entire office is staring at them, as though they're some kind of rare creature.
Scratch that. The entire office has now turned their heads in order to stare at me.
'Hi, Mum,' I say in a voice that has suddenly gone rather husky. 'Hi, Dad.'
What are they doing here?
'Emma!' says Dad, making an attempt at his normal jovial voice. 'We just thought we'd … pop in to see you.'
'Right,' I say, nodding dazedly. As though this is a perfectly normal course of events.
'We brought you a little present,' says Mum brightly. 'Some flowers for your desk.' She puts the bouquet down awkwardly. 'Look at Emma's desk, Brian. Isn't it smart! Look at the … the computer!'
'Splendid!' says Dad, giving it a little pat. 'Very … very fine desk indeed.'
'And are these your friends?' says Mum, smiling around the office.
'Kind of,' I say, scowling as Artemis beams back winsomely at her.
'We were just saying, the other day,' continues Mum, 'how proud you should be of yourself, Emma. Working for a big company like this. I'm sure many girls would be very envious of your career. Don't you agree, Brian?'
'Absolutely!' says Dad. 'You've done very well for yourself, Emma.'
I'm so taken aback, I can't even open my mouth. I meet Dad's eye, and he gives a strange, awkward little smile. And Mum's hands are trembling slightly as she puts the flowers down.
They're nervous, I realize with a jolt of shock. They're both nervous.
I'm just trying to get my head round this as Paul appears at the door of his office.
'So Emma,' he says, raising his eyebrows. 'You have visitors, I gather?'
'Er … yes,' I say. 'Paul, these are … um … my parents, Brian and Rachel …'
'Enchanted,' says Paul politely.
'We don't want to be any bother,' says Mum hurriedly.
'No bother at all,' says Paul, and bestows a charming smile on her. 'Unfortunately, the room we usually use for family bonding sessions is being redecorated.'
'Oh!' says Mum, unsure as to whether he's being serious or not. 'Oh dear!'
'So perhaps, Emma, you'd like to take your parents out for — shall we call it an early lunch?'
I look up at the clock. It's a quarter to ten.
'Thanks, Paul,' I say gratefully.
This is surreal. It's completely surreal.
It's the middle of the morning. I should be at work. And instead I'm walking down the street with my parents, wondering what on earth we're going to say to each other. I can't even remember the last time it was just my parents and me. Just the three of us, no Grandpa, no Kerry, no Nev. It's as if we've gone back in time fifteen years, or something.
'We could go in here,' I say, as we reach an Italian coffee shop.
'Good idea!' says Dad heartily, and pushes the door open. 'We saw your friend Jack Harper on television yesterday,' he adds casually.
'He's not my friend,' I reply shortly, and he and Mum glance at each other.
We sit down at a wooden table and a waiter brings us each a menu, and there's silence.
Oh God. Now I'm feeling nervous.
'So …' I begin, then stop. What I want to say is, Why are you here? But it might sound a bit rude. 'What … brings you to London?' I say, instead.
'We just thought we'd like to visit you,' says Mum, looking through her reading glasses at the menu. 'Now, shall I have a cup of tea … or what's this? A frap-pelatte?'
'I want a normal cup of coffee,' says Dad, peering at the menu with a frown. 'Do they do such a thing?'
'If they don't, you'll have to have a cappuccino and spoon off the froth,' says Mum. 'Or an espresso and just ask them to add hot water.'
I don't believe this. They have driven two hundred miles. Are we just going to sit here and talk about hot beverages all day?
'Oh, and that reminds me,' adds Mum casually. 'We've bought you a little something, Emma. Haven't we, Brian?'
'Oh … right,' I say in surprise. 'What is it?'
'It's a car,' says Mum, and looks up at the waiter who's appeared at our table. 'Hello! I would like a cappuccino, my husband would like a filter coffee if that's possible, and Emma would like—'
'A car?' I echo in disbelief.
'Car,' echoes the Italian waiter, and gives me a suspicious look. 'You want coffee?'
'I'd … I'd like a cappuccino, please,' I say distractedly.