Movement at his side suddenly caught my eye and I broke our stare to see Chloe standing there. She peered in at her brother, and I smiled sadly at her, shaking my head. Her eyes filled with tears and Brandon wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side.
I was grateful at that moment that he was there, being strong for her. Honestly, I couldn’t do it. I was being selfish in my grief, and she deserved better than that. Especially with everything the poor thing had been through. First being beaten by her ex, now this…
Chloe leaned into Brandon and they stood there, just watching over Jackson as I sat by his side, each of us lost in our own thoughts.
After a few minutes, Chloe broke away from Brandon, made her way over to me, knelt beside my chair, and laid her hand on my shoulder.
Softly she said, “Allie, why don’t you go get some rest for a little bit? Let Brandon take you home and take care of YOU for a bit. I’ll sit right here, I promise, and I will call you if there’s any change, whatsoever.”
Before she’d even gotten the words out all the way, I’d begun shaking my head. It was a force of habit by now; I didn’t want to leave him, and I wasn’t going to.
Chloe sighed, and then her next words made my jaw drop, literally. All trace of softness was gone from her voice when she said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, Allie, but GO HOME. I want to sit with my brother for a while, and I want to do it ALONE.”
I closed my mouth with a snap and stood, drawing myself up indignantly. I could feel my eyes burning with tears and my anger was rising, seeping up from a simmer but I didn’t stick around for it to reach full-on boil. With a hard look at her, I stomped from the room, pushing past Brandon who just sighed and followed quietly.
I jabbed my finger into the elevator button repeatedly, shooting murderous glances over my shoulder towards Jackson’s room.
“That’s not going to make it come any faster, baby,” Brandon said behind me.
I whirled on him. “I know it isn’t…thank you for pointing that out. You know, you don’t need to come with me. I’m just fine on my own-”
“Stop it, Allie. Just stop!” His words were sharp, even though they were delivered quietly.
But they had the intended effect. They shut me up rather quickly, more from shock than from anything else, I think. Brandon had never talked to me like that before. I stared at him, waiting for him to say something more, but the elevator dinged and the doors opened, revealing Emma and Sarah, Jackson’s mom.
“Oh, Allie!” Emma gasped. “Honey, are you finally going to go get some rest? Thank God!”
I opened my mouth and shut it again quickly, casting a sidelong glance at Sarah who looked just as relieved as Emma. And then I could do nothing more than nod, because I could see the worry etched across both of their faces. Worry for me…and I hated myself for it. What right did I have to make them worry when their son and friend was lying in a hospital bed down the hall? None, that’s for damn sure.
I pasted a smile on my face and hugged them both. “Yeah, I’m pretty beat, so I’m gonna go home, get some food, and lay down for a while. I’ll come back later tonight, okay?”
Emma shook her head no and Sarah agreed. “No, honey, you need to stay home and get some rest. It’s important that you take care of you for a while. I’ll stay tonight and I promise, we’ll call you if there’s any change, any change at all. Even if he just farts, I will call you, I swear!”
I smiled at her, as she intended. “Okay, Sarah. And…thank you. You know, for everything.” I waved my head in the air vaguely.
She nodded, stepped forward, and hugged me tight. Before she let me go, she whispered in my ear, “I’m glad I finally got to meet you, regardless. He loves you so much and so does Chloe. I love you, too, you know. How could I not?”
I squeezed her a little tighter for a second, humbled by her words. I sighed and let her go, pulling away and turning towards Brandon. “Ready?”
He nodded and I hit the button on the elevator that had come and gone a couple times while we were standing there talking. Emma patted me on my back and smiled at me, and I knew that I had lifted a weight off their shoulders.
We left the hospital and I realized that it had gotten dark. I didn’t even know what time it was, but I should have realized it was late enough that Brandon was done working since he came up there. Which meant Luke should be showing up there soon enough, too.
When we got into Brandon’s SUV and headed home, I watched his profile in the street lights. His handsome face looked tired and it hit me even harder that I had honestly made things worse on everyone by being a selfish little bitch. Oh, GOD I was an asshole!
I closed my eyes and laid my head back, swallowing audibly. How could I fix this?
A few hours later, laying in the darkness wrapped up in Brandon’s arms, I felt my tears well up again. But this time, they weren’t only for Jackson.
“I…I’m so sorry for being so closed off, Brandon. I really feel like a Grade A Bitch, pushing everyone away-”
“It’s okay, baby. Don’t worry about it. We understand-all of us.” He squeezed me a little tighter before saying, “Just get some sleep and I’ll take you back up there before I go to work in the morning, okay?”
I nodded against his chest and snuggled into him, and it hit me just how much I’d missed the feel of him beside me at night. “Love you, Brandon…” I murmured tiredly as exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks, and then slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Chapter 20
It’d been two days since I’d gone home and slept for the first time since Jackson’s accident. Two days that had gone by with no change. Chloe had apologized to me when I’d walked into the room the next morning. She’d been frantic with worry that she’d pissed me off beyond forgiveness for talking to me like that, but she’d explained she just wanted me to get at least one good night’s sleep. I forgave her for it…I understood her motive and, now that I look back on it, I was pretty impressed that she was that forceful.
I was alone with Jackson…it wasn’t that I hadn’t been alone with him before, but this time…I was feeling a little frantic. They’d been talking again. Talking about things that I didn’t want to talk about, because that could not happen. COULD NOT!
I’d been talking to him every day but today, now, I felt like I was racing against time and there was so much I needed to tell him. It poured out of me and I couldn’t have stopped it if I wanted to.
“Jackson, you’ve been gone for way too long. I need you…I need you to open your eyes and come back to me, to us. WE need you…all of us.” I cleared my throat.
“Especially me. I love you, Jackson. I love you with every breath in my body, and I need you to hear this. I need to hear how much you mean to me…because you are everything. Everything! But it’s not even all about me. Your mom is here, Jacks, and she misses you like crazy. I met her finally, and I love her to pieces. She’s great, but she’d have to be because of how great YOU are. But you would get that from her, but…”
I shook my head, disgusted with my own ramblings when there was so much else left to say. “Anyway, I just needed you to hear how much I love you. You’ve shown me how much you love me, and I can’t thank you enough for that. And if that’s what I have to live on for the rest of my life- the memories of your love- then I’ll live the rest of my life knowing what it was to be truly loved, and I’ll be thankful for that.”