CHAPTER FOURTEEN
"How the line, man," Yonnie said, matching Carlos's desperate moves to get around him. "This is why I hung back and even let Tara go in the house with Rider after our little meeting--one team, right? You da man, you cool. You told him he could nick her to get his energy right so he could jet." "He fucking bit her," Carlos said, shaking his head, eyes wild, walking back and forth on the porch. Then he stood still and looked at Yonnie, incredulous. "He bit her. In the throat. And she let him." Carlos's voice was a whisper of numb disbelief.
"Well, yeah, man. That's generally how it's done, right?" Yonnie raked his hair but kept his stance readied for Carlos to bolt.
"In the wrist... yeah, maybe," Carlos said, his stunned gaze set on the horizon.
"He's a king, man. He ain't going for the wrist," Yonnie said, trying in vain to make what he was saying sound logical. "It's cool. That don't mean nothing."
Carlos brought his gaze down slowly from the moon and held Yonnie's. "I'm done."
Yonnie began pacing. "You ain't done, man. Be serious."
Carlos shook his head slowly, turned, and headed for the screen door, leaving Yonnie to stare behind him. Damali's desire-filled whisper carved sections of his heart into slivers. "No, man," he said quietly, I'm done."
The way she'd breathed, "Oh... my... God . . ." followed him into the house and repeatedly planted her Isis squarely in the middle of his chest.
She walked up the front steps in a daze, dragging the golden staff behind her. When she opened the door, the team looked up. No one said a word for a moment.
"You okay, kiddo?" Rider finally asked. "We, uh, got some newbies-- incoming while you were sending Cain back, and uh... you okay, D?"
Damali just nodded, and then glanced around the room to find Carlos. His vibration was coming from the kitchen, but she didn't move toward it.
"The energy transfer work?" Shabazz asked carefully, visually and tactically scanning her.
Damali shook her head. "Where's the rest of the team?" Damali asked in a monotone voice.
"Krissy, Juanita, and Marj went into one of the bedrooms to stay with Marlene while she gets some rest." J.L. glanced around. "Bobby and Dan are on point in the back rooms in deep discussions... well, uh, that's the thing--Gabby sent us two new females, Heather and Jasmine and--"
Too spent to even cope, Damali just help up her hand. "Where's Yonnie and Tara? We all have to move out."
"Yonnie's got the windows from the roof, just to be sure nothing bothers Marlene while she tries to rest and while Mike is working out the weapons list in the shed with Berkfield, trying to gather up whatever they can salvage from before," J.L. said, sheepishly glancing toward the door then over to Shabazz.
"Good," Damali said, too weary to say more. Fine by her. No more drama.
"I gotta say this," Berkfield said, coming into the house from the back. His gaze held Damali and then the others in the room. "She don't look so okay. Where's Cain?"
"Outside meditating," Damali finally murmured without elaborating. It was a struggle to use her voice for more than one-word statements.
"Okaaaay," Rider said, worry adding tension lines to his brow. "So, if the exchange didn't work, and he can't propel himself back through the rip, where does that leave us?"
"Yeah, D," Jose said, adding to the bombardment of questions. "Is he coming with us or what? I don't think we can just leave him here, but him going with us is a little shaky as a plan." He stared at her hard. "You okay, D? For real."
"I don't like him," Inez said, serving much attitude with her comment. "I for one think you need to leave his ass here, but who am I?" She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. "I'm just your girl. What do I know?"
Big Mike nodded, coming into the living room and dropping and ax with an armload of wooden stakes on the coffee table. "I don't like how you looking, D."
"You do seem a bit pale, honey," Marjorie said, entering the fray from the hall and trying to keep the peace, but clearly concerned.
"You sure you ain't nicked, kid?" Berkfield said, beginning to stand to go inspect Damali.
"She tried to do the energy transfer on limited reserves," Tara said quietly, parting her form from a shadow in the room and going to Damali's side to stop Berkfield's advance. "But after all that she'd already expended to bring her mother-seer back, she's simply tapped out. You are simply witnessing severe disappointment and nothing more. Her defenses are lowered, and she's completely exhausted. Just tapped out."
Tara's hand landed on Damali's shoulder as both women's eyes met. "Don't forget, she also traveled far to acquire the Caduceus, then entered Cain's world in search of Carlos, and then battled hard to survive over in Cain's land and return home. She may be a Neteru, but she is also only human."
Damali's gaze transferred a silent thanks, which Tara's accepted. She noted that Tara had also spoken loudly enough to be heard in the kitchen. A double thank you was definitely in her eyes. Tara had her back.
"All right, then cool," Rider finally said, pushing himself away from the wall. "Ten minutes, we saddle up?" Damali nodded, calmly left the group, and walked toward an empty bedroom with Tara quietly gliding behind her. No words were necessary. Both women knew that a private moment to confer was in order. A woman-to-woman soul purge was required before the whole team was swept via vamp transport to La Paz.
"Can you please sound seal the room," Damali asked, looking at Tara and willing tears not to fall.
Tara nodded and complied.
"What is happening to me?" Damali whispered.
Tara gazed at her intensely, slowly touched her throat, and quickly drew her hand away as though burned. "I have been here. This is deep, white hot, raw, and very new. There is no cure."
"There has to be. I'm not making sense."
"Yes, you are," Tara said quietly "That's what's frightening you." "I think Carlos heard me," Damali said, not ready to address Tara's evenly delivered wisdom.
Tara calmly nodded. Damali closed her eyes. "And?" Tara said with a bite to her tone.
"And? What do you mean, and?" Damali's gaze shot toward the door, fighting against the bubbling hysteria within her. "One of 'em is sitting out in the woods horny and pouting, the other one is in the kitchen fuming and ready to flip, and--"
"Let. Them. Twist." Tara folded her arms, her words succinct and sharp enough to draw blood. "Do not be held hostage in the male power-play game. Right now, what's between your legs is for ransom, along with your mind. Your heart will be collateral damage in the fallout. Pull yourself together. That's what's draining your energy. You're stronger than both of them and don't even know it. I saw it with my own eyes when you healed Marlene. That's why I'm shaking my head."
Tara's forthright assessment splashed her face with much-appreciated cold water. Damali couldn't immediately reply. The charge stung, but also strengthened her, and snapped her right out of Cain's daze.
"So what that Carlos heard you? Haven't you heard or seen things that have nearly stopped your heart?"
Damali folded her arms over her chest. "No lie."
Tara tilted her head. "I am going to tell you something I swore I would never disclose... because he's your brother."
Damali braced herself. As the words had come out of Tara's mouth, the part about telling her something she'd vowed not to ever disclose had caused a mild heart seize--not being sure if Tara was about to launch into another Carlos misadventure or something else. She was selfishly glad that it was something else, this time.
"I am old, you are not," Tara said flatly. "I've wasted years in this predicament. My hope is that you don't." Her pretty brown eyes held a strange combination of deeply wounded rage, yet mellow understanding. "Rider was my first. I loved him with my all. Parts of me still do. Each time he was with another woman, each occurrence had plausible excuses... reasons... layers of circumstances that were always supposedly beyond his control." She let her breath out hard. "The man has done the world for me. There has never been a doubt that he loves me. or that I love him. That is not the issue."
Tara paced across the room and held on to the dresser as though it might offer her immoveable support. "But he and I were connected, just like you and Carlos are. Like you, I have heightened sensory perception. My ears are tuned to the night. My nose is able to pick up the nuance of any tracer. My eyes can see far beyond the normal human range. So the blond hairs ground into, and woven within the fabric at his shoulder, I saw. The residue of perfume and other things I shudder to mention, I smelled--even after he showered... the heart-shattering sound of his... voice." Tara turned away. "Or hers echoing behind it in the distance, I heard." "Oh, Tara," Damali whispered, not sure if she should go to her, or bolt out of the room to kick Rider's ass. She stared at the vacant mirror that Tara stood before, watching the eerie confluence of the woman's body in front of her without a reflection.
"These are the things that carve out a woman's heart, rob her of respect," Tara said, pointing at Damali without turning. "There is no excuse, after the first incidence. Not from Rider, or your young, hot, impulsive lover, or this new but seasoned king who speaks to you in sensual decibels and never uses foul language. Hold the line and refuse to be swayed by their antics."
After the few moments she seemed to need to collect herself, Tara turned and spoke through her teeth. "The commitment is what gets violated, as well as your heart in the process." She stared at Damali hard. "You don't owe either of the men competing for your commitment anything, until they are ready to give to you what you have given... total .. . complete... unwavering resolve. Carlos never had to compete for your affection--let him work for it, after all the heartbreak that man has made you endure."
Damali rubbed her chin and glanced at the door. This information coming from a female vampire was a bizarre contrast, but sound. Truth was truth, whatever the source. But she was still unsure, not wanting to get caught up in Tara's reality, which had a slightly different set of circumstances than hers.
"Then what do you suggest?" Damali finally asked, fatigued from thinking about all of the variables too hard. "Since it seems Cain will be with us for a few and Carlos ain't going nowhere until he does, what can I do to keep the peace and get a little breathing room just to get my head together and figure out what I want?"
"Do what a man would do," Tara spat. "In every other aspect of your life, you are clear, but in this?" She began to pace as though holy water had been sprayed in the room. "Outside, during the healing, you heard the she-dragon's voice, correct?"
"Yeah, I did," Damali admitted, renewed fury beginning to crest, "but I had to let that ride, had to focus, Marlene was more important."
"Exactly." Tara stopped moving about the room and stared at her, red beginning to flicker in her eyes. "A man would say, 'I haven't made up my mind,' and would keep both aggressively competing females at bay, doing whatever he chose with either of them until he was sure-- because he hadn't fully committed. Men are also quick to tell a woman, 'But you knew that going in, baby,' like that matters, like that makes it all okay, like that stops your heart from being broken--even when you know, how do you keep your emotions from closing the distance the male created? If you sleep with them and your heart is involved, you're wide open." Damali nodded, suddenly feeling too vulnerable to respond.
"If a man were in your shoes, my Neteru girlfriend," Tara added with a sad smile, "he'd eventually pick one or the other when he finally decided, or maybe find an entirely different woman without history altogether--but he damned sure wouldn't allow himself to be backed into a corner by childish games, or allow his focus on his primary mission, his job, whatever, to be fractured by tail. Ask me how I've learned this?" She folded her arms. "What do they always say?"
" 'Later,' " Damali snapped. " 'Baby I've gotta focus on what I'm trying to do.'"
"Exactly. And it has to be later, or you, as a female, can step. And they do not freak out if that's ultimately what you do--why?" Tara asked with a tight smile. "Because" in their minds, the universe is bountiful." "Girl. . ."
"They cry in their beer for a few, and then become philosophical, recover, and move on." Tara shook her head and gazed at the door. "Right now, they are holding you hostage. In the middle you stand with an entire team's safety on your shoulders, weighed down, literally, by the fate of the world, and they are pulling you in opposite directions, trying to run the ultimate seduction."
"You know whaaaat . . ." Damali sucked her teeth and let her hands fall to her hips.
Tara snapped her fingers and pointed hard at the closed bedroom door. "Tell that arrogant king of old to take a cold shower! Tell that foolish young prince in the kitchen to back off, keep his dick in his pants, and get out of your face until he can respect your job. And if either one of them moves on you and arouses you too much by his sensual floor display of seduction, do him."
"Kill him?" Damali rubbed her palms down her face. "A little drastic, Tara, but I feel you."
"No," Tara chuckled. "Do him."
"Ooohhh . . ." Damali said, laughing and feeling a lot better. "But, girl, uh... what do I tell the other one?"
"What did they tell you? Do them both, if you're concerned about equity and fairness."
Both women stared at each other and then laughed softly, but very hard.
"Are you married to either of them?" Tara asked with a sly smile. "Nope," Damali replied, with a mischievous grin. "Are you engaged to either of them?" Tara prodded. "Nope," Damali said, her smile broadening. "Well... maybe, kinda sorta to Carlos, but--"
"Have they been good boys?" Tara arched an eyebrow. "Not."
"So, if Carlos steps to you, look him dead in the eye and tell him the truth. 'I heard all your shit. It broke my heart. This new brother turned me on, and I'm only human.' "
Damali paced away from her. "Whew. Just like that?"
"You carry the sharpest blade on the planet, darliri', and I take it you know how to back someone up off of you with a direct slice. You'd better learn to use your tongue that way, too. Gore them if they pressure you."
"Oh, shit, girl, you're lethal."
Tara shrugged. "Deadly when provoked." She smiled a wicked smile. "Tell that other panting bastard in the woods that he's been no angel.
You're flesh and blood, and aren't an angel, either. Make sure he understands, just like his male mind has probably told several entities in Nod, 'Baby you knew what this was going in.' " "Chile . . ."
"No, you'd better hear me. I know you're saying, 'Oh, but he hasn't been with anyone and is so lonely' Right?" "Yeah, I kinda feel bad, and he's--"
"He's male. There are female entities over there. Get real. As wise and sexy and passionate as he is, he has not been celibate for centuries, trust me. Yonnie ran the same game on me, but ultimately pacified himself at Gabrielle's establishment until I made up my mind. He didn't die because he didn't get any from me. Cain will live. Puhlease. So will Carlos."
Damali stared at Tara for a moment, truly dumbfounded. "But he said ..."
"All right," Tara replied, her tone impatient. "So he hasn't had a woman in the flesh in a while, but I'd dare say that he's learned how to fine tune his mental capacities to a point whereby he has a string of quivering, etheric concubines that are so-called friends. I hate to break it to you, sis, but you're just new--and that's what is blowing his mind. New always does that for a man."
"Oh, shit," Damali whispered. "He played me!"
"No. You played yourself. That's different," Tara said coolly, now studying her nails. "He told you what you wanted to hear. You decided to believe him without thorough investigation. You were highly flattered. He seemed lost, trapped, intense, hot, in need of salvation, and came at you during a moment when you were worn down and emotionally exhausted by Carlos's drama, and therefore vulnerable. Old game. Executed very professionally."
"How could I be so--" "Don't be too hard on yourself and definitely don't beat yourself up. Happens to the best of us, and that's what they bank on." Tara's tone grew peevish, as though revisiting her old hurts as she spoke. "You're not stupid, just green, and that's not a crime. It's an understandable oversight for a loving, honest, trusting woman to make. If Cain came seeking me, Yonnie would just have to get over it."
Tara looked up and Damali burst out laughing.
"Girl, you wouldn't!"
Tara scoffed. "Like Hell."
They both laughed, now unconcerned about the volume of their mirth. Let 'em twist.
"You only become totally committed once they've become totally committed," Tara said calmly, holding Damali's gaze. "Once they cease playing games, you cease playing the field. The universe is very large. You are very young and very eligible and extremely attractive. You have fabulous gifts and an awesome career. Are you ready for babies and ready to hang up your blade?"
"No," Damali said without hesitation.
"Why do you think they keep trying to get you pregnant?" For a moment, Damali couldn't answer. "First it was daywalkers, then--"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Tara said with a wave of her hand, dismissing Damali's answer. "They want what you sire just as much as having you on permanent lockdown, your focus always on them and what they're doing, which keeps you under control."
"What?"
Tara smiled, vindicated. "No different than a mate bite in my world, new life in yours is pure Light that links and binds forever."
"That is too wild, Tara," Damali said, now pacing. "Like a territory marker? Oh, girl. . ."
"The core issue is," Tara continued calmly, "once that happens, a woman's career changes, because her focus changes--I don't care what they tell you, ask your mother-seer or Marjorie. The woman takes the weight."
Tara paused to allow her words to implode with impact. "The man-- married or not, is still relatively free, more or less; the woman is not, if she has children. We are conditioned to marry to have children or to simply have children--but the procreation imperative is real. So take your time deciding, and only do it when you're ready to take the weight. Always be prepared to do that, because at any given time, you might have to do that solo. Don't go into that marriage or relationship equation blinded by love, promises, and passion, then on a gorgeous moonlit night, slip up and ooops. Vampire or not, if it's male, you must be at the ready to take the weight--that's why the choice must always be yours, and you never surrender control of that. Guard it like your blade, girl."
"I don't even know what to say to you, Tara," Damali admitted. "The queens were telling me this, Marlene... but up until now, it wasn't sinking in--because I was in love! Oh, shit, I'm so mad... so pissed off, I can't believe--"
"Well, believe it, because it's innate, in female DNA, something at the cellular level that seeks peace and harmony. I may not be a mother, but from my observation, the female's focus becomes the one thing in the world that she values more than anything else, her child. She will try to home to that biological father, no matter how crazy he is, how ridiculous he behaves, or how off the wall his family may be, she'll give it a good try before walking away. During the interim, while she figures it all out, he has control. She will suffer many indignities, just to keep the unit intact. Reasonable women have nearly lost their minds trying to do that while the baby's daddy did whatever."
Tara shuddered. "The only thing that makes me feel better is you used the past tense, 'was,' when you referred to being in love."
"I did?" Damali said quiedy. "Damn... I did, didn't I?" Tara nodded slowly. "Yeah, because now your head is getting twisted back on straight. But think about this, how many women have had their bright star of potential prematurely eclipsed because of this sort of crap? It's not that having children is a bad thing; in fact, it's one of the most profound gifts that I'm bitterly sorry that I can't share in. So, I'm not blaming the children," she added in a huff. "But with this gift comes responsibility, so nobody but the one who has the responsibility for dealing with it should be in your face rushing your choice. Got it? How many years have talented women wasted embroiled in domestic struggles, rather than focusing on their gifts or even their children?"
"That's why the queens took my blade . . ." Damali stood gaping at Tara with her hand slowly going to her mouth. "The whole blade ordeal was really them sending me a double message. The blade represented all of that. Wow . . ."
"Doesn't your Isis cut both ways? The blade was simply an example, a harsh one ,a metaphor, but not as hard as the real lesson they were trying to tech. Don't all relationships have a double-edged blade to them-passion that cuts so good but also cuts so badly and deeply when misused?"
Tara tucked a stray wisp of her hair behind her ear. "Damali, I've had years to ponder these things, and the moment you ran it down to us ladies in this very house, I knew exactly what the old girls were trying to tell ya. But for the same reasons Marlene and Marj wouldn't just spit it out, I kept my mouth shut, too. Some lessons are so personal they can only be learned from experience. If we would have tried to tell you, you would have told us that Carlos wasn't like that, blah, blah, blah, so we zipped our hps. So, yeah, I would have slapped your face to get you to wake up and taken your Isis, too, were I on the Queens Council, to save you from yourself, if I could," Tara said, her tone firm. "At twenty-one, had I known what I know now... Rider wouldn't have had to merely worry about Yonnie. Believe that." Tara chuckled. "Before you slaughtered them all, there were several very eligible masters available." Both women laughed again hard.
"The mission first; this yang later." Damali shook her head. "Basic."
"And... if you happen to experience a lapse along the way," Tara said with a grin, "your answer will be?"
"Aw... Baaaby... C'mon, now... don't be like that. I'm only human."
"Good," Tara said, coming to Damali to hug her. "Now sit your butt down on this bed and let me tell you what is really going on." Damali sat slowly. Tara flopped beside her.
"I'm a wreck," Tara said flatly. She covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. "Put me in a prayer seal so I can speak."
Damali murmured a quick prayer, and touched Tara's arm when she was done. Tara wiped the sweat away from her brow.
"See," Tara said weakly. "It's getting worse. Even I can't deal with a prayer seal for long. I'm out of this room in a moment."
"What happened?"
"While you were getting the best siphon of your life, Gabby sent us two initiates. One is a virgin, slated for Dan, one was with Bobby, and the two young bucks went ga-ga and added them to the team." Damali was on her feet. "What? Carlos did it while--" "Relax. They check out, and come with powers. The problem is Lilith is reconstituting the Vampire Council." Tara looked down at her hands and her voice became quiet. "She'll make Yonnie an offer he can't refuse... and if she does, I don't know if I can pull away from him." She glanced up at Damali and cupped her cheek. "That's why, while I'm still able to help you and can be in your corner, I'm saying all these things to you." Her hand fell away and her sad gaze drifted toward the door. "I love you, Damali. But you know what a councilman's wife must do, right?"
Damali held both of Tara's hands and then brought them to her lips. "I know. You have to ensure his power is never challenged."
Tara closed her eyes. "I will also have to feed properly to do that... as will he." She shuddered. "In all these years, I was able to avoid it, and I held out hope that one night, we'd be free."
"Don't give up--not yet. Not now. Just--"
"Damali... your heart is as big as Rider's. If Yonnie descends, you have to let me go. I will feed that first night, and it won't be deer." Tara's fingers traced the side of Damali's face and she pushed a lock behind her ear. "The other night, I felt Lilith's rise. I could feel new energy hit the throne level of Level Six, and . . ."
Tara's words trailed off as she stood and walked across the room. "It was female energy, Level Seven that slammed a throne. The energy went to me, first, as she pulled at the dark filaments in Carlos's line." She looked at Damali, who was now sitting, and held her gaze with solid red eyes glowing. "I was out of my skull with need for a body, and begged him, sobbing at V-point to bring me one. That's when I knew something was wrong and so much stronger than me."
Damali got up from the bed slowly and went to Tara to embrace her. "I love you," was all she could say as her heart crumbled into a hundred pieces.
"Make it quick, is all I ask. I have no idea where my soul will bottom out." Tara's cool embrace rubbed pain into Damali's spine as she laid her head on Damali's shoulder. "I don't know where Yonnie's will go, and mercy be unto him if he bottoms out in the were- demon realms. Carlos will have to make it a surgical strike."
"I can't think of you as anything else but a member of this team," Damali whispered with her eyes closed.
"The Light sent you two new female initiates from Gabrielle's and they will replace--"
"No," Damali said quickly, holding Tara's arms and looking at her hard. "They may add to the family, but will never take your places." She dropped her hold on Tara and began pacing. "I so owe that bitch, Lilith... if she comes for either of you, I swear ..."
"She's coming," Tara said, her tone weary and resigned. "Soon, there will be new master vampires, a new Chairman... the night is darker, denser."
Damali nodded, hating that Tara was right.