Nicole looked up from her fingernails and said, "Well, then, I change my vote to Titanic."
"Who are you?" I muttered under my breath. "Does she even get voting privileges here?"
"Does he?" Conrad jerked his elbow at Cam, who looked startled. "Just kidding, man."
"Let's just watch Titanic" Cam said, taking the DVD out of its case.
We sat and watched stiffly. Everyone else busted up laughing at the part when Jack stands at the helm and says, "I'm the king of the world." I was silent. About midway through, Nicole whispered something into Conrad's ear, and the two of them stood up. "See you guys later," Conrad said.
As soon as they were gone, I hissed, "They're so disgusting. They probably went upstairs to go at it."
"Go at it? Who says 'go at it'?" Cam said, bemused.
"Shut up. Don't you think she was gross?"
"Gross? No. I think she's cute. A little too much bronzer, maybe."
I laughed in spite of myself. "Bronzer? What do you know about bronzer?"
"I have an older sister, remember," he said, smiling self-consciously. "She likes makeup. We share a bathroom."
I didn't remember Cam saying he had a sister.
"Well, anyway, she does wear too much bronzer. She's bright orange! I wonder where her Red Sox hat is," I mused.
Cam picked up the remote control and paused the movie. "Why are you so obsessed with her?"
"I'm not obsessed with her. Why would I be obsessed with her? She has no personality. She's like one of those pod people. She looks at Conrad like he's God." I knew he was judging me for being so mean, but I couldn't stop talking.
He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Instead he turned the movie back on.
We sat there on the couch and finished watching the movie in silence. Toward the end I heard Conrad's voice on the stairs, and without even thinking I snuggled closer to Cam. I rested my head on his shoulder.
Conrad and Nicole came back downstairs, and Conrad looked at the two of us for a second before saying, "Tell my mom I took Nicole home."
I barely looked up. "Okay."
As soon as they were gone, Cam sat straight up, and I did too. He took a breath. "Did you invite me over here to make him jealous?"
"Who?" I said.
"You know who. Conrad."
I could feel a flush rising up my chest and all the way to my cheeks. "No." It seemed like everybody was wanting to know where things stood with Conrad and me.
"Do you still like him?"
"No."
He let out a breath of air. "See, you hesitated." "No, I didn't!"
Did I? Had I? I was sure I hadn't. To Cam I said, "When I look at Conrad, all I feel is disgust."
I could tell he didn't believe it. I didn't either. Because the truth was, when I looked at Conrad, all I felt was a yearning that never went away. It was the same as it had always been. Here I had this really great guy who actually liked me, and deep down inside I was still hung up on Conrad. There, that was the real truth. I had never really let go. I was just like Rose on that stupid makeshift raft.
Cam cleared his throat and said, "You're leaving soon. Do you want to keep in touch?"
I hadn't thought about that. He was right, the summer was almost over. Pretty soon I would be home again. "Um ... do you?"
"Well, yeah. I do."
He looked at me like he was expecting something, and I couldn't figure out what it was for a few seconds. Then I said, "Me too. I do too." But it came too late. Cam took his cell phone out of his pocket and said he'd better get going. I didn't argue.
chapter forty
We finally had our movie night. My mother, Susannah, Jeremiah, and I watched Susannah's favorite Alfred Hitchcock movies in the rec room with all the lights off. My mother made kettle corn in the big cast-iron pot, and she went out and bought Milk Duds and gummy bears and saltwater taffy. Susannah loved saltwater taffy. It was classic, like old times, only without Steven and Conrad, who was working a dinner shift.
Halfway through Notorious, her most favorite of all, Susannah fell asleep. My mother covered her with a blanket, and when the movie was over, she whispered, "Jeremiah, will you carry her upstairs?"
Jeremiah, nodded quickly, and Susannah didn't even wake up when he lifted her in his arms and carried her up the rec room stairs. He picked her up like she was weightless, a feather. I'd never seen him do that before. Even though we were almost the same age, in that moment he almost seemed grown-up.
My mother got up too, stretching. "I'm exhausted. Are you going to bed, too, Belly?"
"Not yet. I think I'll clean up down here first," I said.
"Good girl," she said, winking at me, and then she headed upstairs.
I started picking up the taffy wrappers and a few kernels that had fallen onto the carpet.
Jeremiah came back down when I was putting the movie into its case. He sank into the couch cushions. "Let's not go to sleep yet," he said, looking up at me.
"Okay. Do you wanna watch another movie?"
"Nah. Let's just watch TV." He picked up the remote and started flipping through channels randomly. "Where's Cam Cameron been lately?"
Sitting back down, I sighed a little. "I don't know. He hasn't called, and I haven't called him. The summer's almost over. I'll probably never see him again."
He didn't look at me when he said, "Do you want to? See him again?"
"I don't know. . . . I'm not sure. Maybe. Maybe not."
Jeremiah put the TV on mute. He turned and looked at me then. "I don't think he's the guy for you." His eyes looked somber. I'd never seen him look so somber.
Lightly I said, "Yeah, I doubt it too."
"Belly . . . ," he began. He took a deep breath of air and puffed up his cheeks, and then he blew it out so hard the hair on his forehead fluttered. I could feel my heart start to pound--something was going to happen. He was going to say something I didn't want to hear. He was going to go and change everything.
I opened my mouth to speak, to interrupt him before he said something he couldn't take back, and he shook his head. "Just let me get this out."
He took another deep breath. "You've always been my best friend. But now it's more. I see you as more than that." He continued, scooting closer to me. "You're cooler than any other girl I've ever met, and you're there for me. You've always been there for me. I ... I can count on you. And you can count on me too. You know that."