I got up too, and so did Conrad. "See ya," I said. "And, Jeremiah, I'm getting you back for that."
He winked and said, "A back rub should make us about even," and I threw a pillow directly at his head and slammed the door behind me. The fact that he was being fake-flirty was the worst part. It was so patronizing, so demeaning.
It took me about three seconds before I realized that Taylor wasn't coming after me. She was inside, laughing at Jeremiah's dumb jokes.
In the hallway, Conrad gave me his trademark knowing look and said, "You know you loved it."
I glared at him. "How would you know? You're too obsessed with yourself to notice anybody else."
He walked away from me and said over his shoulder, "Oh, I notice everything, Belly. Even poor little you."
"Screw you!" I said, because that was all I could think of. I could hear him chuckling as he shut his bedroom door.
I went back to my room and got under the covers. I closed my eyes and replayed and replayed what had just happened. Jeremiah's lips had touched my lips. My lips were no longer my own. They had been touched. By Jeremiah. I had finally been kissed, and it was my friend Jeremiah who'd been the one to do it. My friend Jeremiah who had been ignoring me that whole week.
I wished I could talk to Taylor. I wished we could talk about my first kiss, but we couldn't, because right this minute she was downstairs kissing the same boy who had just kissed me. I was sure of it.
When she came back upstairs an hour later, I pretended I was sleeping.
"Belly?" she whispered across the room.
I didn't say anything, but I stirred a little, for effect.
"I know you're still awake, Belly," she said. "And I forgive you."
I wanted to sit right up and say, "You forgive me? Well, I don't forgive you, for coming here and ruining my whole summer." But I didn't say any of it. I just kept fake-sleeping.
The next morning I woke up early, just after seven, and Taylor was already gone. I knew where she was. She'd gone to watch the sunrise with Jeremiah. We'd been planning to go watch the sunrise on the beach one morning before she left, but we always overslept. It was her second to last morning, and she'd chosen Jeremiah. Figured.
I changed into my bathing suit and headed for the pool. In the mornings it was always a little cold outside, just a little bit of bite to the air, but I didn't mind. Swimming in the mornings made me feel like I was swimming in the ocean even when I wasn't. In theory swimming in the ocean sounds great and all, but the salt water burned my eyes too much to do it every day. Plus, the pool was more private, more my own. Even though everyone else swam in it too, in the mornings and at night I had it pretty much to myself, besides Susannah.
When I opened the gate to the pool, I saw my mother sitting in one of the lounge chairs reading a book. Except she wasn't really reading it. She was more just holding it and staring off into space.
"Hi, Mom," I said, more to break her out of her spell than anything else.
She looked up, startled. "Good morning," she said, clearing her throat. "Did you sleep well?"
I shrugged and dropped my towel onto the chair next to hers. "I guess," I said.
My mother shaded her eyes with her hand and looked up at me. "Are you and Taylor having fun?"
"Tons," I said. "Buckets full."
"Where is Taylor?"
"Who knows?" I said. "Who cares?" "Are you two fighting?" my mother asked casually. "No. I'm just starting to wish I hadn't brung her, is all."
"Best friends are important. They're the closest thing to a sister you'll ever have," she told me. "Don't squander it."
Irritably I said, "I haven't squandered anything. Why do you always have to put the blame on me for everything?"
"I'm not blaming you. Why must you always make things about you, dear?" My mother smiled at me in her infuriatingly calm way.
I rolled my eyes and jumped backward into the pool. It was freezing cold. When I came up to the surface, I yelled, "I don't!"
Then I started my laps, and whenever I thought about Taylor and Jeremiah, I got madder and pushed harder. By the time I was done, my shoulders burned.
My mother had left, but Taylor and Jeremiah and Steven were just coming in.
"Belly, if you swim too much, you'll get those broad swimmer's shoulders," Taylor warned, dipping her foot in the water.
I ignored her. What did Taylor know about exercise? She thought walking around the mall in high heels was exercise. "Where were you guys?" I asked, floating on my back.
"Just hanging out," Jeremiah said vaguely.
Judas, I thought. A bunch of Benedict Arnolds. "Where's Conrad?"
"Who knows? He's too cool to hang out," Jeremiah said, falling onto a lounge chair.
"He went running," Steven said, a tad defensively. "He has to get in shape for football season. He has to leave for practice next week, remember?"
I remembered. That year Conrad had to leave early so he could get back in time for tryouts. He'd never seemed like the football type to me, but there he was, trying out for the team. I guessed Mr. Fisher had a lot to do with it; he was exactly the type. So was Jeremiah. Although he'd never take it seriously. He never took anything seriously.
"I'll probably play for the team next year too," Jeremiah said casually. He sneaked a peek at Taylor to see if she looked impressed. She didn't. She wasn't even looking at him.
His shoulders sagged a little, and I felt sorry for him despite myself.
I said, "Jere, race me, okay?"
He shrugged and stood up, taking off his shirt. Then he walked over to the deep end and dove in. "You want a handicap?" he asked when he emerged up top.
"No. I think I can beat you without one," I said, paddling over.
"Whoo-hoo! Let's see."
We raced across the length of the pool, freestyle, and he beat me the first time, and then the second. But I wore him down by the third and fourth and beat him too. Taylor cheered me on, which only annoyed me more.
The next morning she was gone again. This time, though, I was gonna join them. It wasn't like she and Jeremiah owned the beach. I had just as much right as they did to watch the sunrise. I got up, put my clothes on, and headed outside.
I didn't see them at first. They were farther down than usual, and they had their backs to me. He had his arms around her, and they were kissing. They weren't even watching the sunrise. And ... it wasn't Jeremiah, either. It was Steven. My brother.
It was just like in those movies with the surprise ending, where everything falls into place and clicks. Suddenly my life had become The Usual Suspects , and Taylor, Taylor was Keyser Soze. The scenes ran through the mind-- Taylor and Steven bickering, the way he had come to the boardwalk that night, Taylor claiming that Claire Cho had cankles, all the afternoons she'd spent at my house.