I pushed those thoughts away before I started crying. Wallowing in my own self-pity wouldn’t help Meredith. This wasn’t about me. It was about her.
I lay down on his bed, my knee still tapping out a rhythm. Being in Dastien’s cabin was slightly terrifying. I wasn’t scared of him, but of expectations. He was older. More experienced.
Christ. My parents would flip out if they knew I was here.
“You okay?” Dastien said from the kitchen.
I propped myself up on my elbows. “Sure.” My squeaky voice was probably giving as much away as my bond was.
His brow lifted.
“I’m fine.”
He didn’t say anything as he considered me. We both knew I was lying.
“Sorry.” I walked over to him. “Can I help?”
“Sure.”
“What are you making?”
“Spaghetti. It’s fast. I’d say you should go straight to sleep, but you haven’t eaten in a while and you used some energy doing the spell.” He pointed to a bottom cabinet. “Pot is down there.”
I grabbed the pot, filled it with water, and set it on the stove to boil. That done, I hopped up on the counter to watch as he stirred a jar of sauce into the meat. It wasn’t a fancy meal, but he was right—I hadn’t eaten in a while.
We went through the motions of cooking, eating and cleaning up in comfortable silence. Maybe he was right and I’d wake up in the morning and have some brilliant plan.
“Go on. Get ready for bed.” He handed me a T-shirt and a pair of his gym shorts.
I stepped into his bathroom and washed my face. I used my finger to brush my teeth with a little bit of his toothpaste. His clothes were ridiculous on me. The shorts hung past my knees. I tugged on the drawstring and rolled them a few times. His T-shirt was more like a dress. I laughed at myself in the mirror. But then I couldn’t resist smelling the shirt. I was so keeping it.
When I came out, Dastien grinned. I shrugged. “Just because we’re mates doesn’t mean we’re the same size.”
“Thank God for that. I like that you’re a little person.”
I punched his arm. “I’m not a little person. I passed that status by three whole inches.”
“You’re my little person.”
Okay. I’d give him that.
“Get in the bed. I’ll take the couch.” He disappeared into the bathroom. I nearly protested, but the nerves came back. He was right. Unless he was going furry, separate sleeping spaces would be good. For now.
I climbed into his bed, but it was weird being there. The scent of him filled my senses. I relaxed, and the imaginary door that kept me from getting visions disappeared. I saw night after night of him sleeping. Sometimes peacefully. Sometimes not. One time he cried.
What had made him so sad?
I was staring at the ceiling, trying to make myself fall asleep but failing, when he finally came out of the bathroom. He flicked off the light. “Goodnight, cherie.”
“Goodnight.”
I lay there for a while. Thinking about nothing and everything. I huffed. This was so pointless. There was no way I was going to sleep, and I couldn’t lay here staring at the ceiling. I kicked at the sheets as I turned one way and then another, trying to find a comfortable spot. It wasn’t the bed’s fault. It was mine.
Resorting to counting my breaths was the only thing I could do. I finally sank into sleep, and a dream grabbed hold of me. I watched as Meredith convulsed on the roof. Only this time, after Dr. Gonzales injected her, she turned to me and said, “This is your fault.”
I woke up gasping for breath in between sobs.
The mattress dipped, and Dastien pulled me toward him until we were spooning. I stiffened for a second, but the memory of the dream overwhelmed me again and I pulled him in closer to me.
He held me until I stopped crying, running his hand down my hair and brushing kisses on my head. “You’re going to get through this,” he whispered to me.
But I didn’t want to get through it. I wanted Meredith to get through it. And for her and Donovan to have a happy life together.
I was going back to La Alquelarre in the morning.
“Would you rather I shift?” Dastien said.
“No.” I didn’t want him furry tonight. I liked being held by him. I needed that.
“Okay. Then, sleep.” Dastien’s command was backed with power, and I faded into a deep, dreamless sleep before I could fight it.
Chapter Thirteen
Sunlight was streaming through the curtains when I woke up. Dastien’s arms were tight around me. His hot breath fanned the back of my neck. I wondered how late it was.