I looked at him in dismay. I get it, the Light was all powerful and the very reason for our existence, but to not be able to ask questions seemed insane to me, especially in a situation such as this.
"It is the way it should be Krista," Haniel said, reading my disgruntled thoughts.
"The Light knows the outcome of every situation you will ever face, but it is your freewill that gives you the opportunity to change the outcome of everything you encounter. The explanations that you seek will only inhibit your very essence of being. To question The Light, would be to know your future."
"I get that, but surely a little heads-up could only help in a circumstance like this," Robert said, jumping into the conversation.
"It is neither my place nor yours to question The Light," Haniel said, closing the door on any further argument. "We leave for our journey in the morning," he added, heading for the front door.
"Wait, what about the others? Are we leaving without them?" I asked.
"They will be here by morning," he said, closing the door softly behind him.
"Frick, that annoys me so much!" I grumbled, sinking back against the worn cushions of the couch we had picked up at a garage sale. The musty cushions emitted a faint scent of pipe tobacco as I rested my head back. Shawn had volunteered to clean them, but Sam and I had both protested. For some reason the smell was comforting to the both of us.
"He's got a point Sis. If The Light answered every question we asked, we would never make a decision on our own. It would change the course of our lives," Shawn said, perching on the arm of the couch next to me, as he reached out to ruffle my hair affectionately.
I ducked to the side trying to save my ponytail from looking like a cyclone had wrecked havoc on it.
"Stop!" I protested, giggling as he used his long arms to maul my hair one last time.
"So, how are things between you and your mom?" Sam asked, bringing down the mood again.
"The same. She was upset when I told her I wanted you and Shawn to drive me to the airport, but I've been distancing myself from her so much the last few months, that her protest seemed feeble. I know she's hurt that I've changed so much lately, but I'm so sick of pretending I'm something I'm not. The whole human charade has become a big fat pain in the neck," I said defensively, trying to hide the real reason I had begun to cut myself off from my mom. The pain over losing me this way would be much easier on her than if I were to die.
"Krista we're not judging you. We know how tough all of this has been on you," Sam said, sinking next to me to grasp my hand.
Sudden moisture filled my eyes as my friends all looked at me compassionately. I knew they could see through my ploy. "I'm just trying to make it easier for her," I mumbled, willing the moisture back.
"We know Krista, but we're not going to allow anything to happen to you, no matter what. You understand? We are not letting you go," Shawn said, his voice shaking with emotion.
"You guys just don't understand," I said standing up. "I'm an empty shell without him. I would say I ache, but there's nothing left inside me to ache. If I've lost him forever, what will fill that void he left behind," I said with my voice rising slightly.
I was grateful for the silence that now followed my rant. I did not want to be pacified. I just wanted them to understand how I felt.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow," I said after my angst dissipated. I headed toward the door, keeping my eyes averted from the worried looks that followed.
Chapter 3
The next morning I dragged myself out of bed exhausted. My mom and I had stayed up late as she made a final attempt to change my mind about her going with me to Colorado to check in at school. I knew this was all taking a toll on her, and I hoped to be able to make it up to her someday, but I held firm that this was something I wanted to do alone. After a fountain of tears she had finally consented and we hit the sack on somewhat of a truce.
I could hear her moving around as I gathered my bags together. I looked around my room one last time to make sure I had everything. My heart broke as I watched Feline snoozing on the rocking chair in the corner of my room. I approached him sadly, and sank down on my knees in front of the chair.
"I will miss you my wonderful furry friend," I said sadly, scratching him under the chin. I knew these goodbyes were inevitable, and I thought I had prepared myself, but as Feline let out a loud purr of approval, hot tears streamed down my cheeks. It's times like this that I wish my heart would turn to stone, making me immune to heart wrenching goodbyes.
"I love you buddy," I said, dropping a kiss on the top of his head.
I stood back up, slung my backpack over my shoulders, and grasped the handles of my two suitcases as I prepared to head downstairs. I swept my eyes around my room one last time, drinking in the space. My winter clothes from Montana sat in the far corner of the room in three cartons that were ready to be sent when I was ready. I opened the door and was startled to see my mom sitting in one of the Lazy Boys in our mock library.
"You all ready?" She asked sadly, eyeing the bags at my feet.
"Yeah, Shawn and Sam should be here in a few minutes," I said as the feeling of grief was pressing hard on me. My grand plan to distance myself from her had seemed like the best solution to all the madness that surrounded me, but looking at her drooped shoulders and red eyes, the guilt was becoming more than I could bear.
I dropped my backpack at my feet and stumbled over my suitcases as I rushed into her waiting arms. "I'm sorry mom. I just need to get away from this area for a while," I mumbled, throwing up the only excuse that would make sense to her.
"I know sweetie. I just feel like I lost you somewhere between our move from Montana and now," she said stroking my hair.
"You haven't lost me."
"I know you miss him, but don't lose yourself while you're away," she said, cupping my face so that she could peer into my eyes.
I nodded my head and placed my own hands over hers. Using my God-given powers, I shifted some of her anguish aside and replaced it with the small amount of joy I felt the previous day after Haniel accepted my plan to find Mark.
"I love you Mom," I said, giving her a quick peck as the doorbell rang from downstairs.
"I'll help you with your bags," she said more lightheartedly than she had been in weeks. My nudge of emotions had worked their magic on her and hopefully they would linger for awhile after my departure.
She grabbed one of the suitcases I had abandoned in my doorway and headed for the stairs. I glanced around the comfy haven we had created one last time. My emotions were like a kaleidoscope mixing together. I was anxious and excited to begin our journey and to finally be able to leave the human charade behind for a while, but I also felt so sad to leave the one person that had always been there for me. I slung my backpack over my left shoulder with one of the straps and grasped the handle of my fuchsia suitcase.
The wheels of the suitcase thumped down the stairs behind me as I made my way to the foyer.
"Here I'll get that," Shawn said, bounding up the last few steps to grab the heavy suitcase from me. He scooped it up like it was as light as the feather pillow on my bed.
"Sheesh, must be nice to be freakishly strong," I muttered for his ears only.
"I'm Hercules baby," he said, leaping down the last three stairs.
"I can get that Mrs. Miller," he said, grabbing the second suitcase from my mom's hand.
I had to stifle a groan when I saw the astonished look on my mom's face. Shawn was about as subtle as a Mack truck. He forgot sometimes that not everyone had strength that would rival a superhero from a comic book.
"I promise I'll call you tonight," I said to my mom, hoping to distract her from Shawn.
"I'm holding you to that. If I don't hear from you by nine o'clock your time, I will catch the next flight out, do you understand me?" she asked, dragging me in for a tight hug.
"I promise, but I won't make it there if you squeeze all the life out of me," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. "I love you," I added softly.
"I love you too Sweetie," she said in a voice thick with tears.
I pulled away gently, not wanting to open that can of worms again. My plan was to get out before her tears swayed my resolve.
"I'll take care of her Mrs. Miller, don't worry," Sam said giving her a quick hug.
"I trust that you will, no matter what," she said, looking at Sam sternly, making it clear that she knew more was going on in the situation than I had led her to believe.
I grabbed my favorite sweatshirt off the banister and threaded it through the strap of my backpack so my hands would be free to give my mom one last hug before we headed out the door.
"I'll call you, I promise," I called behind me as I climbed into the used Explorer my band shared. I closed the door behind me and rolled down the window to get one last unobstructed view of the house that had changed my life forever. My eyes took in the wooden porch swing that Mark and I had sat on so many times, discovering our shared connection.
My mom leaned against the wooden pillar, waving, just as Shawn slowly pulled the car away from the curb. Her face was etched in grief and I felt ashamed being the cause of her heartbreak. I couldn't help thinking about how disappointed my dad would be in me. I just hoped that if he was observing us from heaven he would understand my reasons.
As Shawn accelerated, leaving my house behind, I closed my eyes and let the wind blowing through the window wash over me as I regained control of my emotions. As effortless as this had become for me, I still found it nothing short of extraordinary. Haniel had recently commented on my astonishing control of not only my own feelings, but also those around me. I had discovered after a trip to the mall with Shawn and Sam one afternoon that I could filter the emotions of those around me without even having to work at it.
Sam had been awestruck. "You're like a Disney character. You turn weeds into flowers as you walk by." She joked. "How are you doing it?"
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "It just seems like second nature to fix them."
Haniel was closemouthed about my new gifts, but I had heard him telling Shawn and Robert that surviving the pain Mark had inflicted on me has turned me into some kind of hybrid Guide, but he did not get specific about what he meant. I scoffed at the idea, but knew he was right about my new gifts. I had been careful not to use them on my mom or my friends, but I finally caved when things heated up the night before between my mom and me. I employed a touch of them to redirect some of her anger.
"You okay, Krista?" Sam asked from the front of the car.
I opened my eyes to see her peering at me intently.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just ready to get started."
"We know you are, but we're concerned about how you're going to handle this situation."
I didn't need to ask what she meant. I was well aware of the fact that they all thought that Mark was not merely a Forgotten Soul like I was banking on, but that he had turned dark like his father. The subject had been closed for discussion around me, but it was obvious I needed to give them some kind of reassurance.
"I know it's likely that Mark can't be saved," I said quietly. "But if that's the case, then I'm doing exactly what I should be. Mark's worst fear was becoming like his father. If Mark is 'black-hearted' like his father, then it's up to us to stop them."
"Krista do you really think you could just stand by idly while the Protectors destroy him? I don't even think I can, and I know for a fact that Shawn became nauseous at the thought," she said, looking at Shawn for confirmation.
I understood exactly what she was saying, and maybe I'm just living in denial when I act like I can handle it, but what else am I supposed to do. If it comes to that, it has to be our band that takes care of it. "It's what the Mark we knew would have wanted," I said plainly, turning my gaze back out the window. I caught Sam and Shawn exchanging a look out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored it.
"So, Kieran's band showed up early this morning," Sam said, obviously deciding a change of subject was necessary.
"They did?" I asked as excitement raced through me. Our brief time spent with the other band, before the horrific events that transpired, had left such a lasting effect on me. I had grown attached to all of them, but my real attachment had been with Grace and Kieran. My heart pinched painfully as I thought about how empty their band would be without Grace, their "sunshine," as I had come to think of her. Her death had hit me the hardest out of the four band members that were lost in June.
Today was already looking brighter though. I was glad Kieran was here. She had been a godsend in my darkest hour.
"Haniel said the other band should be here by noon and then we'll be heading out," Sam continued.
I nodded my head absently—my mind still preoccupied by the task that lies ahead.
Chapter 4
Sam and I jumped out of the car before Shawn shifted into park. "Holy crap guys, where's the fire?" he groused good-naturedly.
Sam and I ignored his playful jibe, taking the stairs up to the apartment two at a time. We burst through the door together, startling the ten Links inside the room. Sam and I skidded to a stop in the doorway and it was obvious by the strained silence that our exuberance had interrupted a serious discussion.
"What's going on?" I asked. My strong emotional gauge made it clear I was the object of their gossip which didn't sit well with me at all. How typical that I finally escaped the gossip-laced hallways of high school, only to have it follow me into adulthood.
"Nothing," Kieran said, rushing forward to give me a long hug. I remained stiff in her arms, still a little irritated, but after a moment, I finally returned the hug. I had missed my new friends dearly, and who was I to blame them for talking about me. I was a novelty in our species. I had powers none of them had ever seen or felt. Under normal circumstances I might feel flattered by their admiration, but I would trade it all to have Mark back again.
I knew I had to shake this melancholy though. The whole woe-is-me attitude that seemed to follow me around like a dark cloud would do nothing to help get him back.
"We're just concerned sweetie, don't hate us," Kieran said, understanding why my emotions had shifted around so rapidly.
"I know," I said apologetically.
"Krista, it's good to see you," a husky voice said before I was drawn into a tight bear hug.